In the beginning, there was a vaguely defined business model. And the firm was without form or a clearly identifiable brand, and darkness was upon the small manufacturing facility.
Then the Creator did issue a memo, and said let there be a logo. And the Creator saw this logo and it was good, for it was colorful and yet simple and reminded people instantly of plastic toothbrush castings without being overly oral. And the Creator called this first logo “not a bad start” and did increase Her billable hours. And thus the first re-branding effort was made.
And on the second day of this re-branding effort, the Creator decided that everyone should be “on message” and so said, “Let there be a company motto and tag-line for this motto so that everyone can be on message.” And it was so.
And the Creator called this “the elevator statement” and it read, “We are a small manufacturing concern in southern Wisconsin that specializes in fun, easy to use, plastic oral hygiene devices for the dental industry.” And all did memorize this elevator statement and repeat it at industry conferences and it was better than what they had before, which was just “We make toothbrushes.” And the tag-line was “Plasti-Brush: Just Smile!” And the Creator was pleased.
And on the third day, there was a staff meeting and the Creator convinced Tom Lane, executive VP of the newly organized Branding Department, that front-line staff should wear uniforms, and this was less good. For quite frankly, it gets kinda hot screwing toothpaste caps on all day if you have to wear little polyester outfits in red and blue with a picture of someone’s mouth on the front. But this too was so.
And on the fourth day, the reception area was given a big new shiny sign and the telephone answering message was changed to “You’ve reached Plasti-Brush, your one-stop source for dental products! With Plasti-Brush, you can Just Smile Again!” and Anna in reception did quit and go to work for the Nu-Core Corporation across the street where, as she put it, “I don’t have to go through all this crap just to fucking say, ‘How may I direct your call?’” And thus did Evil enter into the small Midwestern dental product facility.
And on the fifth day, well, nothing much happened on the fifth day because of the company picnic at Bartelson’s Goat America Family Fun Park, except that Nadia Vohlmann, aged 12, did make sick on the Billy Goat Gruff Water Slide and it had to be closed for cleaning. This also was less than ideal.
And on the sixth day, they did return to Plasti-Brush only to realize that the Creator had changed the name to “Freedom Smile, Inc.!” and that they were now “an integral part of making sanitary dental instruments for the American fighting man and woman based overseas and keeping this great nation safe from foreign terrorists.” And there was quite a bit of consternation.
And on the seventh day, the Creator, together with the efficiency experts at Cummings and Lardner, decided to make the firm in the image of more cost-effective plants in the developing world and moved operations to Guangzhou province in the People’s Republic of China and did make redundant the workers of Freedom Smile, Inc. And the large institutional shareholders and hedge funds did say this was Very Good for the share price, and decreed also that pensions should no longer be paid out.
And that was the seventh day.