Me Thurk. Me cavedad of three-year-old cavechild Aiden. Aiden good kid. Aiden smart. Aiden kind. But lately, Aiden just want one thing: to stare at pictogram of bull on cave wall. Sometime he stare at bull pictogram all day! He love bull pictogram. But I worry. Is Aiden watch too much bull pictogram? Is bull pictogram destroy him brain development?
Is part our fault. Me and cavewife busy. And bull pictogram easy! Skinning sabre-tooth is two-person job. We no want Aiden wander off. So we sit him in front of bull pictogram. Work great. But then we tell Aiden it time to eat sabre-tooth. He no want to! He cry and scream! “Just a little more bull pictogram!” “Me love bull pictogram!” “Me hate cavedad and cavemom!” Feel so bad.
Last week we eat cavedinner with caveneighbors Ogg and Jenny. They have cavedaughter Madison. Madison same age as Aiden. Madison sit and eat nice. When Madison fuss, Ogg just give her little rock. Madison love little rock! Then Aiden start to fuss. We try give him rock. He no want rock. He start crying. Me and cavewife do not want to do it. But Aiden about to ruin dinner! So pretty soon me is pulling out bark strip with bull pictogram on it. Aiden hold bark strip and be quiet. But Ogg and Jenny look at us. They say it be fine. They say Madison watch pictogram as special thing at grandma cave. But it obvious. They think we bad caveparents! Maybe true! But what we do?
Sometimes me think me should just tear bull pictogram down. Can bull pictogram really be worth it? Sure, pictogram help advance caveculture and foster writing system. But what good that stuff if whole cave society is just bunch of brainwashed bull-pictogram-watchers? You know what Aiden say yesterday? When he grow up, he want be bull-pictogram-painter! That not real job! Real job hunter! Or at least gatherer! How many bull-pictogram-painters world need?
Me know me sound like me cavedad complaining about wheel and shouting “fire bad” during cavecouncil. But bull pictogram different! When me grow up, there no “figurative art.” You want see bull? Go out, look at bull! But now, why even leave cave to see real bull when pictogram bull right there in high-definition ochre paste smeared on by best pictogram-painters in tribe?
As if being parent today not hard enough with emergence of bone tools and animal worship. What next? Horse pictogram? Agriculture? Bigger bull pictogram? Sometimes me wish we just go back across landbridge to simpler time. Modern parenting! Too much!