[Originally published November 8, 2006.]

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A rabbi, an Arab, a robot, and a Catholic priest walk into a bar. Only the robot exits.

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A robot walks into a pharmacy. The pharmacist asks him if he’d like anything. The robot replies, “A soul.”

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How do you stop a robot from destroying you and the rest of civilization?

You don’t.

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“Waiter! Waiter! What’s this robot doing in my soup?”

“It looks like he’s performing human tasks twice as well, because he knows no fear or pain.”

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Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A robot.

Oh, shit.

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What’s the difference between a regular robot and a killer robot?

The gnawing jeers of men.

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What’s a robot’s favorite cereal?


(NOTE: Rob-os are made of the tears of human children.)

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Little Susie tosses a clock out the window. A robot inquires, “Why did you do that?” She replies, “I wanted to see time fly!” The robot says, “Ah … A perfect subject for elimination,” and shoots her with a laser beam through the face.

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Why did the robot order a milkshake?

To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.

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Why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven was a robot.