Britney Spears and the Queen of England are currently suing each other for the intellectual property rights to this digital upstart—and whether Britcoin will disrupt either the euro zone or the after market value of iTunes gift certificates this holiday season depends largely on the results of their bitter negotiations, now ongoing in the Hague. (“Queen threatens to hit Britney, several times.” — The Daily Mail. “Hit Me, Old Lady, One More Time, says Spears to Aging Monarch in Fisco-Technological Bitch Fight of the Century”— Entertainment Weekly)


The Batman has been trying like hell to get the anonymously traded Batcoin accepted anywhere outside of ComiCon snack bars for ages, mostly because his credit cards all say Bruce Wayne on them. (“Who is not me! A friend of mine!" — Batman)


Botcoin is the only currency accepted by those chat bots who will trick you into thinking they’re real people and then further trick you into paying for cybersex with them. Be careful! Sex bots are not trustworthy. Remember to always wear a condom when chatting with a sex bot. And wash your hands after touching a botcoin.


This little Thai guy just isn’t worth really anything, we hate to say. As of yesterday, one Bahtcoin was worth .000025 Bitcoins. And after we did that math on our calculator app we couldn’t think of another joke to make that wasn’t willfully ignorant of global wealth inequality and economic oppression. Thanks a lot, Bahtcoin.


The only currency traded by hardcore dark internet e-foodies and the anonymous hustler kings of international agriculture e-commerce. All transactions of black market food products on Silk Road 2.0—human baby kidneys, human veal, artisanal culinary-grade methamphetamines, etc.—are conducted in Bitcorn, though it is rumored that very extravagant purchases by extreme gourmands are conducted in Bitcornfed Bitcornishgamehen. Bitcorn is also accepted by certain forward-thinking Etsy retailers.


This coin is used only to buy butts and is stored only in butts! Buttcoins, can you believe it? Don’t want to believe it? Too bad. This is the Age of the INTERNET. You have to.