The big runup in the stock market has people worried. There are reasons to think it’s headed for a major decline, what with the pandemic still raging and millions of jobs lost. Yet, no matter the tenuous signs, the stock market continues to soar. I’m here to tell you to breathe easy. Everything will be fine as long as you keep blindly pouring all your money into the stock market, no questions asked.

You might think that sounds contradictory. Why, if the stock market was too high, should I put more money into it? I’ll respond by telling you to stop asking logical questions. Does the market ever react logically? No, of course not. It’s those kinds of responsible inquiries that lead to people putting less money — or worse, none — into the market. If a giant asteroid were headed for Earth, the Dow would still go up on the hopes it would result in a massive stimulus package. Take all that money you’re saving by not having to buy pants for work and put it in the market.

Don’t worry about investing in the wrong company, either. There are no wrong companies. Every single company in the stock market will go up forever. If they were good enough to get listed on a stock exchange, then they must be doing something right. Companies with no prospects don’t just get money from angel investors. Okay, they do, but it’s fine. Profits don’t matter. What matters is the company’s valuation stays really high for reasons no one can explain.

You may not know much about investing fundamentals. Balance sheets, P/E ratios, and moving averages can be confusing, so you should pretend they don’t exist. Thinking too much about market financials will cause unnecessary stress. Don’t think. Just put all of your money into any company you can think of, even the ones in bankruptcy with no hopeful emergence strategy. There is no downside to throwing your money into the amorphous blob that is the stock market.

Maybe you saw a stock price doing really well because of a subreddit. That’s wonderful. Anytime lots of anonymous people come together and agree to throw money at something, there’s little they can’t do. That’s essentially how the stock market was created in the first place. It’s like a Kickstarter for making yourself rich. And If you happen to take down some hedge-fund bros in the process, forget about Reddit karma; you’ll be gaining that sweet IRL karma.

You might be scared the market will drop, despite the assurances made by me, a guy who cashed out of the stock market months ago and now has all his money in caveman art. “What if this is the moment right before something like the 1929 crash?” your spouse or parents or financial advisor might be telling you. Stop worrying and put your life savings into companies you don’t understand. Does anyone really know what IBM does anymore? No, and it doesn’t matter. Buy the stock and be comforted knowing it will go up.

You should adhere to stock market maxims like “Buy the rumor, sell the news,” “Buy low, sell high,” and “Buy in May and go away.” Notice the word “buy” in all those sayings. That’s what you want to focus on. Technically I changed the last one from “Sell in May and go away,” but that’s a terrible adage that could single-handedly tank the world economy. Don’t sell. Sure, I did, but I didn’t want to miss out on some exquisite drawings by Gruk, who experts are calling “the caveman Picasso.” Selling stocks is for people afraid they won’t finish a gallon of milk before it expires. The milk will be fine. It’s always fine.

If you’re still nervous, there are ways to make investing fun. Pick the company you last saw a commercial for, or one that sounds like a fake company the bad guy in an action movie would own. If you have a passing idea of what the company does, avoid it. You don’t want to spoil the mystery. Then spend more money than you’ve ever paid for anything to buy said company’s stock. Do that over and over again to replicate that fun.

You don’t want to miss out. As long as you keeping putting money into the market it has to go up. It’s basic math. Don’t overthink it. Besides, you don’t have many options right now other than dumping your entire net worth into your Robinhood account. You’ve already missed out on all the good caveman art.