Do you have a spouse, child, or friend who consistently hits the snooze button on life in order to pursue their unattainable dreams? Is it inconveniencing you or causing you any emotional stress? Call one of our Dream Killing specialists today at 1-800-DRE-AMKL and let us help you wake them up!
At Dream Killers Ltd., we help our clients kill the impractical dreams of their loved ones and shepherd their naïve dreamers towards stable career paths such as accounting, chimney sweeping, or electronic repair. Our typical customer is a frustrated parent who has all but given up on getting their starry-eyed offspring to stop reaching for those stars and start accepting the harsh reality that dreams should be saved for sleeping.
We have developed an aggressive course of undercover intervention techniques that we call “psychological career redirection”, but that’s a bit wordy though isn’t it? Basically, when a client hires us to kill somebody’s dream, our entry-level package involves sending out one of our highly trained undercover Dream Killers to find the dreamer and “bump” into them at a public place such as a coffee shop, subway car, or dog park. Our Dream Killer will then casually steer the conversation to that dreamer’s particular dream, aspiration, or business idea before bluntly suggesting that the dreamer’s ideas are ridiculous and that there is no way that they could ever succeed. Have that happen to you several times in the same week and most people will take it as a sign from the universe to give up. Dreams are surprisingly fragile and usually only need a little bit of strategic bending to make them shatter into a million little pieces of failure.
While our “psychological career redirection” method has been dubbed “exceptionally invasive” by some critics, we have found that it’s the only effective method for not only killing dreams, but also washing away all of the emotional residue and scum that builds up over a lifetime of chasing those dreams. Our process is 90% guaranteed to squeeze the last drops of lifeblood out of even the most persistently pesky dreams or you’ll get 50% of your money back.
Dream Killers Ltd. is strategically headquartered in New York City, where thousands of dreams come to die each year. The company was founded by Connor Whitley shortly after he moved to the city in his early twenties. Like so many recent liberal arts graduates before him, Connor spent his first years in New York jobless and with no direction besides a vague desire to put his B.A. in Environmental Studies to good use. After three years of waiting patiently for a cosmic sign to point him down the path to success, Connor’s roommate’s mom inadvertently offered him his first dream killing job: $100 in return for convincing her son to quit pursuing a career as a DJ. It didn’t take Connor long to talk his roommate into hanging up his headphones after his prized turntables mysteriously got set on fire and thrown out of a window. With one successful job under his belt and a $100 dollars in his pocket, Connor knew that he was onto something and started reaching out to more potential clients. It turns out demand was high for professional Dream Killing services and the business quickly snowballed into a global operation with 17 international offices, 1500 employees, and more than 600,000 killed dreams in the past ten years!
If you have an unrelenting dreamer in your life, find us on twitter @KillersLtd or call us at 1-800-DRE-AMKL to tell us a bit about your quitter-to-be, their particular dream or aspiration, and how it’s negatively affecting you. We can then help you choose from one of our many customizable dream intervention packages and quickly get to work on discreetly destroying their dreams in the most cost-effective way possible. We promise that your dreamer will be disappointed, but you won’t be!