Don’t get me wrong, the men who have screamed at me from cars in the past have given me a wealth of information. Without them, how would I know that my body is a 10 but my face is only a 6? How would I come to terms with the fact that I have an ass that just won’t quit? Who else would help me realize that I’m a stuck-up bitch who can’t take a compliment? No one, that’s who. Yes, that is a job that falls heavily on the shoulders of men who scream at me from cars. And I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but it seems like a lot of these messages are on the same theme, namely my body and the many things that men who scream at me from cars would like to do to it.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I’m pretty set on that kind of information. In fact, if I’m being honest, I’ve really been good on that front for several years now. I’m here today to invite the men who scream at me from cars to consider some different ideas to add to their repertoire, so we can all look forward to a more diversified selection in our frequent meetings in the park, on the street, and outside various dining and drinking establishments.

List of Things for Men to Scream at Me From Their Cars

The exact location of my lost Target gift card that still has $12.74 left on it

Directions to the nearest specialty donut shop

The name of that song that I heard in that one movie and forgot to write down

The entirety of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TEDx talk, “We should all be feminists”

The easiest way to get red wine stains out of wool fabric

The secret to making softer, doughier chocolate chip cookies

The reason why my dryer always makes that cl-clunk sound

Step-by-step instructions on how to file my taxes

How many days are left on my free trial of Spotify Premium

The name of the skin-care line Beyoncé uses

An innovative solution for reversing the devastating effects of climate change

Where Alan from work got those really great jeans that he says are from a thrift store but it’s like… I know you’ve never set foot in a thrift store, Alan

The best way to contact Gael García Bernal with an amazing movie idea

The best way to contact Diego Luna if Gael García Bernal isn’t persuaded about my amazing movie idea

Whether it’s convincing when I try to talk about anything related to economics

How to get over years of gender socialization and become self-actualized