I am a monkey! Welcome to my business, which is a lot like a corner store!
We sell monkey things! Like bananas! If you want to be like me, a monkey, buy a banana!
Bananas will keep you young, help you lose weight, and prevent diseases.
Just look at me! I am 10 years old. I am a trim 60 pounds and I don’t have river blindness or guinea worms!
Whee! I love hanging by one paw from the light fixture on the ceiling of my business! Join me. Join me. Join me! Especially if you want your banana!!!
See that sign on the wall? "We reserve the right to refuse bananas to anyone!”
Now let’s go hand over hand and look down at my shop of bananas. Now drop onto a big pile of fresh green ones from Honduras. Drop!
There is a tarantula! It’s like a furry toy! Let’s play with it! Catch. Catch. Catch! Why didn’t you throw it back to me?
Bounce! Bounce! Bounce!
Do you want this nit?
Thank you for the money. I keep it in my mouth, see? Safest place in a hierarchical primate society! Money is “monkey” without a “k”! I don’t want to be a monkey without money because then I would just be a “k” which is just a letter of that crazy alphabet of yours! Wheeeeee! Crazy alphabet!
Do you want to hear a monkey knock-knock joke? Knock-knock. Who’s there? Alpha. Alpha who? Alpha Male. Oh no! Please don’t take over my family and banish me to a far corner of the jungle! Monkey knock-knock jokes are crazy! Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Let’s do backwards somersaults on this pile of bananas! Now forwards! Now backwards! Whee! Whee! Whee!!!
Why do you want to go to the door already?
I have more bananas! These bananas are a real bargain. They came from Chile! There is a waiting list. For you, today, only $2 each!
Freeze in place. Stare. Stare.
I knew you were a smart customer!
Come dance on my cash register with me. Bang your hand on the top to make a noise. Bang! Dance! Bang! Dance! Wheeee!!!!
How do you live without a tail?