Pulp Fiction is like Men in Black except instead of aliens, cokeheads.

Mean Girls is like if Jawbreakers went on a Bumble date with the late ’90s cast of Saturday Night Live and in the middle of the date Lindsey Lohan showed up wearing a sequence of tight-fitting T-shirts.

The Green Mile is like The Shawshank Redemption except two decades earlier and with magic.

Gravity is like if Tom Hanks from Cast Away bumped into Matt Damon from The Martian and after some handsy stuff Matt Damon punted Wilson the Volleyball off a balcony and then shot Tom Hanks into space with an old-timey cannon and then made Tom Hanks wear his hair in a ponytail and act panicked.

Jumanji 2: Welcome to the Jungle is like if Ghostbusters, Jungle Book, Hot Tub Time Machine, and Jurassic Park decided to play Fortnite and everybody won.

The Big Lebowski is like A League of Their Own except with bowling, and instead of feminism, White Russians.

Despicable Me is like if an Oompa Loompa from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory went to a gas station, made love to an aisle of expired Hostess Twinkies, and then the Twinkies came to life and then, a few days later, Boris Badenov from Rocky & Bullwinkle kidnapped and enslaved 200 of the sentient Twinkies and then adopted three orphaned children and they all lived happily ever after except the children’s biological parents were still dead.

Her is like those people who marry their anime sex pillows but in the future.

Frozen is like if Michael Keaton from Jack Frost did some Hobbit stuff with Anne Hathaway from The Princess Diaries and then someone made a song about it and for five years every single person in the fucking world wouldn’t stop singing it.

Star Wars is like if Lord of the Rings was in outer space instead of New Zealand.

Titanic is like if Pride and Prejudice had a love child with Jaws, but then the love child went to college in the Pacific Northwest and learned in an environmental studies class that shark attacks are statistically less likely to kill you than lightning and actually some populations of sharks are endangered because of shark fin soup, and so, in an act of defiance against his heritage, the love child serially banged the entire cast of Ice Age until it produced an iceberg.

The Grand Budapest Hotel is like The Darjeeling Limited is like Moonrise Kingdom is like if you took a box of Crayola crayons and melted them on a hot plate and then played “Oh La La” by Faces and called it movies.