Never comes to the office holiday party

Changes the subject whenever anyone mentions past employment

Always minimizes windows right when you walk up

Logs onto Instant Messenger, but status always reads “BUSY!”

Even after all this time, still hasn’t set up voicemail

Talks about family a lot, but doesn’t have any pictures on his desk or anything

Parks in the alley instead of the garage, even though it’s free for employees

Doesn’t list any emergency contacts on HR form

Sometimes goes missing for days, then shows up with head all bandaged and acts like nothing happened

Always seems to have coffee, never seems to make coffee

Pretends to be on the phone when clearly none of the lines are lit up

Enables macros