“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” — quote often misattributed to Benjamin Franklin. (His original line was probably about wine.)

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Guinness is proof that God likes us and wishes us the best.

Coors Light is proof that God is over us and wants to see other people.

Budweiser is proof that God thinks axe throwing is going to be bigger than laser tag.

Corona is proof that God’s vacation won’t be complete without another ride on the zip line.

Leinenkugel Grapefruit Shandy is proof that God tried to lose His virginity in a canoe.

Blue Moon is proof that God had better luck in a rowboat.

Michelob Ultra is proof that God wears wrist guards and a helmet when He rollerblades.

Labatt’s Blue is proof that God recently fixed your garbage disposal.

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Barleywine is proof that God plays bass in a Cake cover band named Cupcake.

Asahi Super Dry is proof that God snuck behind the teppanyaki grill and is juggling shrimp.

Miller High Life is proof that God would love to dance with your grandmother at the wedding.

Heineken is proof that God would love to dance with your younger sister at the wedding.

Four hundred cases of Coors is proof that God has twenty-eight hours to get from Texarkana to Atlanta.

Stella Artois is proof that God once told an hour-long story about making homemade pizza.

Busch Light is proof that God thinks Panama City, Florida, is neither a city nor a song, but a state of mind.

Left Hand Milk Stout is proof that God once floated the Grand Canyon on an inflatable pineapple.

Old Style is proof that God once ran around the bases at Wrigley Field dressed as a pineapple.

Keystone Light is proof that God has custom home and away jerseys for His flip cup team.

Deschutes Fresh Haze IPA is proof that God’s mountain bike costs more than His car.

Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Chocolate, Peanut Butter, and Banana Ale is proof that God will try anything once.

Spaten Optimator Doppelbock is proof that God’s axe-throwing emporium will have a Bavarian theme.

Yuengling is proof that God can sing the best karaoke version of “Crocodile Rock” you’ve ever heard.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is proof that God is about to set a personal best on the mechanical bull.

Dos Equis mixed with tomato juice mixed with a chicken-flavored Top Ramen seasoning packet is proof that God is very hungover and is never — ever — drinking beer again.

White Claw Black Cherry Hard Seltzer is proof that God wasn’t kidding; He’s totally giving up beer for good this time!