We Are the Girls on the Playground Your Pussy-Ass Moms Warned You About.
It all began 100 years ago with Juliette Gordon “Murderess” Low, who believed in the power of every girl to develop leadership skills, change the world, and ride free or die. Today there are Girl Scouts MC chapters in sixteen states and Scandinavia. The Daughters of Hell Council claims territory throughout North Florida, and has formed alliances with the Succubus Sisters and the Pink Sparkle Bitches against our sworn enemy, the Arendelle’s Angels.
Troop loyalty is important above all else. If a member is attacked, all other scouts must stand with her. Girls must abide by the Girl Scout MC Law:
On my honor,
I will try to be honest and fair,
considerate and caring,
and be a sister to every scout,
except those snatch-faced twatwaffles,
the Arendelle’s Angels
We love to ride the open road, and travel all over the neighborhood. All bikes must be maintained in working order. Our preferred brand is Huffy. If you’ve had too much bug juice and are unable to ride, another scout will look after you and your bike.
We take many runs to visit other troops, go to the zoo, and meet with our contacts in the Mexican bakery cartel. Scouts who wish to participate on troop runs must bring a signed permission slip.
Colors and Insignia
Girls must safely guard their troop colors. Allowing your colors to fall into the hands of law enforcement or a rival troop is a disgrace and will result in immediate banishment from Girl Scouts MC.
Colors: You must wear your leather vest or sash to all scouting events. Blue, brown, or green leather denotes your place in the troop hierarchy.
1% Badge: Represents membership in an Outlaw Scout Troop, to signify that we are among the 1% of scouts who live outside the rules of society.
Rocker: This badge declares our council territory. Anyone else wearing our territory rocker will get their asses kicked and we won’t be friends with them anymore.
Annual Pin: Your pin is awarded for every year of membership in Girl Scouts MC and is a sharp object that doubles as a tool for intercouncil warfare.
Financial Literacy Badge: Girls should demonstrate skills at financial management and mastery of at least three money laundering techniques.
Friendship Badge: Scouts exchange SWAP crafts and develop new techniques to gain a person’s trust for blackmail and extortion.
Celebrating Community Badge: Girls will learn to organize charity events and generate goodwill in order to distract the public from any unsavory news stories that might appear about Girl Scouts MC.
Acceptable designs include roses, skulls, flames, bikes, and Hello Kitty. No hippie shit. Fading tattoos should be immediately removed with rubbing alcohol.
Dues are expected at the beginning of each school year, payable in unmarked, non-sequential bills or FunZone tokens.
Cookies provide our main source of troop funding. All Girl Scouts MC members are expected to participate in cookie operations, including solicitation, distribution and collections. Girls are encouraged to develop business skills and utilize techniques such as leg breaking, stuffed animal beheadings, and glitter bombs. We will also need two girls to coerce their mothers into serving as Cookie Moms.
This year we will be offering the following flavors: Sin Mints, Do-Si-Do-Motherfuckers, Caramel Melee, Dulce de Sangre, and Fuck U Berry Munch. Remind your customers, “Our Cookies are FRESH FROM THE INFERNO!”
Scouts are not permitted to partake in consumption of cookies or attend meetings sugar high. Cookie theft within the troop will be dealt with harshly, not limited to stripping of badges and ponytail amputation. Cookie business may not be discussed with anyone outside the troop.
REMEMBER: Snitches get rainbow stitches.
We are saddened by the incident that occurred last month at the splashpad at Highland Park. Such violence was unnecessary and we do not condone spraying sunscreen in anyone’s eyes or attacking other scouts with purebred Persian fighter cats. However, the Gainesville Police Department continues to promote a false narrative to the media. Girl Scouts MC demands that GPD immediately release all video evidence, forensic evaluations and cookie mass spectrometry reports. All weapons and friendship bracelets possessed by members of Girl Scouts MC were legally carried. We did not know the Arendelle’s Angels would be present at the splashpad and our troop members were not the aggressors. In fact, many of our scouts had not even gotten off their bikes by the time GPD arrived on the scene.
— DHFFDH! (Daughters of Hell Forever, Forever Daughters of Hell!)