There seems to have been a scheduling mix-up. Our Men’s Rights Activists group reserved this space with the community center three weeks ago. I’m not sure when your Rage Management Support Group is supposed to be meeting, but we’re definitely booked for this hour. Thanks for being diplomatic and suggesting that we merge groups and share the space, but—and no offense, here—I don’t think there’s much overlap between you rageaholics and us Men’s Rights warriors. We’re here to get some real work done, not just talk about personal problems with misplaced anger. What even is that?

Sorry guys—we’re frustrated about this double-booking too. We’ve just about had it with this community center. First they suggest we merge our weekly Men’s Rights activist meeting with the weekly Young Conservative Gamers Singles’ Mixer because it consists almost entirely of the same members, and now this? I bet the Assistant Community Center Director, Connie, is responsible for this. That bitch. And women wonder why they don’t get paid as much as men. Maybe they would if they could handle one simple little job, like scheduling a Men’s Rights Activist meeting.

You guys are just going to have to hold your Rage Management group meeting later. To be honest, we don’t feel safe sharing a room with a bunch of rageaholics. One of you guys might have an “episode” and, I don’t know, freak out and smash a chair or something. We MRA’s need a calm, rational and civil environment while we tackle what’s on the agenda for today—discussing the logistics of firebombing a battered women’s shelter in protest of false-rape allegations.

And, like I said, I don’t think our Men’s Rights group and your rageaholics groups have anything in common, so it just wouldn’t make sense to merge. We don’t really “get” your guys’ struggle. So, you guys are angry all the time and you take your rage out on your loved ones? We’re very different. We take our’s out on women, and our loved ones don’t talk to us.

What? No, of course we have a reason to hate women. We don’t walk around feeling angry just for the hell of it—like you guys! For centuries women have worked together to systematically oppress men through the use of propaganda and subtle manipulation of the legal system. They want to silence us. Just last month, in fact, the Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Group tried to have us banned from the community center just for pointing out that statistically a few of them were probably lying about being raped. It is that kind of threat to free speech that we are fighting here.

We had this room reserved fair and square, and we have rights as white men. Not that non-white men don’t have rights, it’s just, you know… Our group happens to be entirely white. We’re not leaving until we conduct this Men’s Rights Activist meeting as planned. We need this space. My mom has instated a strict no-more-Men’s-Rights-Activism-meetings-in-the-basement rule, because some of the boys are too loud for her precious little woman-ears. And plus she’s not coming to pick us all up for another hour or so, so what else are we supposed to do until then?

You should be supporting us and our fight. Did you know that the courts are gender-biased, and men only win 10-15% of custody battles? Or how about the fact that women are immune from conscription? Shall I go on? How about the way women love to cry about the way they’re portrayed in the media, while us men are stereotyped to hell and back in television and movies?

Oh great, here comes the typical white knight bullshit. “Wah wah wah but most judges are men and most television and movie writers are men and military standards are decided upon almost entirely by men and we should all be working together to destroy the patriarchy and blah blah blah.” Yeah, like I’m going to sit here and listen to the thoughts of a bunch of people with very deep-seated rage issues? FUCK YOU!!! HERE’S A STATISTIC FOR YOU: YOU CAN SUCK 100% OF MY DICK!! LET US HAVE THE COMMUNITY SPACE! WE WANT IT!! WE ARE ENTITLED TO THIS!!!. GIVE US THE COMMUNITY SPACE!!!

FINE. We’ll leave. But you’ve just made a very powerful enemy—the Men’s Rights Activism community. You guys can expect some very devastating memes of you to hit the Internet tonight.