I spend my evenings in a plush velvet housecoat, drinking a hot toddy, and reading in the library. Our first date would be dinner by candlelight, followed by skinny dipping in the neighbor’s pool. From there we’d head back to my place and listen to jazz on vinyl while I recite obscure 19th-century poetry to you. Likes: Victorian architecture, double-spaced pages, fine whiskey. Dislikes: san serif fonts.

My bio picture makes me look like your creepy childhood dentist, but I promise you I’m a nice guy. I’ve won a trophy every year since I started playing T-ball at age five. For my birthday, I buy myself stock in Bing and AOL, and a pair of warm woolen socks. I’m the kind of guy who will give a homeless man a cup of coffee and a warm meal, but not cash because he would probably buy heroin.

Let’s start out on the right note: You are beautiful. You are a poem. You are a summer day. I style my mustache with beard oil and know more about horticulture than you probably want to hear. Sure, I’m not smiling in any of these pictures but swipe right if you like a quiet, romantic guy who will surprise you in the kitchen and in bed.

Three words that describe me: gifted, exceptional, and distinguished. I am everything you want in a man and more. The rebellious fire-starter in a faded leather jacket. (Pleather, actually, because I have a soft spot for small animals.) I am a volunteer firefighter and was featured shirtless and with kittens in a sexy men’s calendar to help raise money for the humane society. I’ll bring you flowers. I’ll lay my pleather jacket over puddles so your feet don’t get wet.

Michener Center for Writers
I’m a forty-year-old professor, looking for a mature woman. Someone with intellect, life experience, and a story to tell. I’ll probably retire out to a cattle farm in west Texas where I can live my dream of being a protagonist in a Larry McMurtry novel. Don’t get your lasso in a wad if it doesn’t work out. I’m a ramblin’ man, looking for that special lady. I only settle for the best.

University of California-Irvine
We can go hiking in the ancient forests with my English Setter, Hemingway. I enjoy tinkering with boats, motorcycles, tattoos, and 1950s fashion. Imagine starry nights camping in the mountains, warm fires, and a life that seems straight out of an L.L. Bean catalog.

I smoke too many cigarettes and want to kill myself in the dead of winter. Hit me up if dark poetry and stick-n-poke tattoos are your thing. I won’t respond for about a month and when I do it will be with three simple letters: HBU.

Johns Hopkins
Trust me, I’m a doctor.

Boston University
Most of my closet is easy-iron button downs and khakis. In high school I was named “Most Likely to Succeed” and I still have the certificate hanging in my office. If you’re into Volvos and the Oxford comma, swipe right.

I like a woman who’s fun, adventurous, and not afraid to try something new. You get an A+ in my book if you’re poly, pan, and willing to stretch gender boundaries. I’ll pay for your dinner but only if you offer first. Come over to my place and let’s play with punctuation ;)

Low-Residency or Online Programs
Swipe Right for a good time.