Which liberal arts degree are you throwing out?

What job did that very bright Lizzie Weinhardt have lined up by January of senior year?

What is the title of the last New York Times “Careers” article I texted, emailed, and called you about?

What is the date of the last time you tried to get away with using my Amazon Prime two-day free shipping?

What is the form of manual labor your immigrant grandfather toiled in to afford you the kind of opportunities you are squandering?

What was the date on which you placed three separate Seamless orders, which I know about because your bank statements are still mailed to me?

What is the discipline of graduate school I continually recommend as my eleventh-hour reckoning with your nearly two decades of now underutilized education?

What was your critical reading score on the SATs and why did I let that indicate to me you would make better choices?