Every man has his price; I’ve written all of these proverbs for free, roughly 120 of them, and let’s say each one takes fifteen minutes to write on average: that means 1,800 minutes, or thirty hours. So I’ve spent more than a full day writing these things that have translated into zero direct dollars. Even if it was something insulting, like five bucks a pop, that’d be 700 dollars over the years, which after taxes would be closer to 500. So that’s my price on PayPal, if you want to pay me under the table, for a Word document with all of these (though I retain all rights to them): 500 dollars. Or I’ll accept the best offer posted on Twitter.
Teddy Wayne’s latest novel, The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, comes out in paperback February 4th. Join him and McSweeney’s contributors Jesse Eisenberg, Simon Rich, and Dan Kennedy for an advance launch party on Thursday, Jan. 30, at 7 p.m., at the powerHouse Arena at 37 Main St. in Brooklyn.