Hamilton Roasters
Two-Way Coffee Maker
- Two ways to brew, single cup or full carafe
- Can be knocked off kitchen counter upwards of two times and still works fine
4/5 Stars
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Crock-Pot Programmable
Oval Slow Cooker with Digital Timer
- Theoretically can be used to prepare meals for busy families
- Unopened box has suitable height and heft to be used as a cat perch
3/5 Stars
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Paper
- Useful for writing notes or printing documents
- Can be easily torn and crumpled into roughly spherical, impromptu cat toys
- Non-toxic, I think
4/5 Stars
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Smart Pet 48-inch Cat Tree
and Scratching Post
- Provides a variety of play and lounging options for cats of all sizes
- Provides a fleeting sense of satisfaction that you supply an engaging environment for the wild animal you keep trapped in your home
2/5 Stars
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Travel Buddy Weekender Duffel Bag
- Water-repellent nylon lining
- Study, triple stitched leather handles
- Indicates to your cat that something is amiss the moment it is taken out of the closet
- Good social media photo-op when your cat climbs in and refuses to let you pack
3/5 Stars
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Ceramic Mugs
- Can be used to hold hot or cold beverages
- Easily broken
- Dramatic shattering upon impact promotes repeat infractions
2/5 Stars
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Fun Critters Cat Bed
and Cave Hideout
- Quilted fleece with foam padding on the bottom for extra cushioning
- Will be ignored for months, used once to your great excitement, then ignored forever
1/5 Stars
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A Second Cat
- The people at the adoption place said it would give your First Cat a friend to play with and help chill the fuck out (as yet unproven)
- 10+ years of companionship, a sense of meaning, and a daily reminder not to take life too seriously
- Agent of destruction
5/5 Stars