Why, she’s the daughter of the new family that moved into the Schwartz’s place down the street. The father is a Vice-President at 3M, I think. Do you think she’s cute?

Why on Earth would you want to chop Molly up and snort her with your friends, Sweetheart? She seems like such a lovely girl. Now finish your plate – you’re nothing but skin and bones.
by Mom22 May 10, 2015

Dropping a dime

When you do this with any denomination of money, Dylan — no matter how small — you pick it up. Don’t be wasteful, Sugarbritches. Your father and I taught you better than that.

There’s no reason to beat the f-word out of poor Billy for dropping a dime on you the other day. His father is a surgeon…he was probably just trying to help you pay for that new Xbox he knows you have your eye on.
— by Mom07 March 29, 2015

Pearl necklace

The beautiful piece around my neck, Tyler. It’s been in your father’s family for generations. In fact, your great-grandfather Samuel placed this very one on your great-grandmother Josephine on their wedding night.

What’s that? How can you possibly even think about giving Alyssa a huge pearl necklace Friday night? Do you know how expensive they are? You don’t even have a job. Let me talk to your father’s friend Brad. He may have something for you to do around the office.
— by Mommy May 14, 2014

Glory hole

That’s the tunnel vision I experience at church when Jesus’ teachings hit me just right. I can’t describe the feeling — you’ll really have to experience it for yourself.

Yes, I know I was snooping, but I can’t tell you how over-the-moon your father and I are to hear that you’re going to go to a party with a glory hole this weekend. It’s about time you realized the benefits of some good, old-fashioned, Christian fun.
— by Mom11 May 1, 2015


See that man over there? When you’re old enough, you’ll be able to grow one of those out of your facial hair, too. But not yet, because you’re still my baby boy.

Lovemuffin, I don’t think you need to take a beard to prom to, how did you put it, ‘keep up appearances in front of the parents.’ If they don’t let my Nugget in just because he has a baby-smooth face, they should expect an angry phone call from me.
— by Mom46 April 7, 2015


Don’t be afraid to do this a bit in gym class, sweetness. They are always working you way too hard and I’d hate for you to hurt yourself. You’re a delicate rose and need to take a break once in awhile.

I fully support you hitting that lean with Davey after class this afternoon. Why wouldn’t I? I only want what’s best for you. You boys lean all you want to. And if they give you any lip, tell them mommy said it’s OK.
— by Mom245 May 2, 2015


I know it’s scary for me to think about, but if you go out there fumbling around the lake with someone more experienced than you are, I’ll feel much better about it.

Sure, I’ll be OK with you motorboating with Stacey at her father’s place this weekend. Just make sure you wear a life vest, for the love of God. You’re not all that experienced, and your mother worries about you, you know.

— by Mom999 February 22, 2015

Riding dirty

I absolutely hate when you present yourself like this, Declan. Your father and I bought you this brand-new Acura to teach you a lesson about responsibility. The least you can do is keep it clean when you’re driving around here. I mean, what would the neighbors think?

Your little friend Stevie’s wrong, Snugglebear. The cops can’t arrest you for riding dirty. But if I ever catch you doing it, you’ll wish they had. Oh, who am I kidding, I just can’t stay mad at you – you’re just so darn delicious!
— by Mommy314 March 5, 2015

Cleveland Steamer

A steamship that docks in Cleveland, Ohio. This one seems pretty obvious, Honeybunny.

Why would you finish off your date with Samantha with a Cleveland Steamer? You get seasick, silly. Don’t you remember that cruise we took with the Rosens last summer? Plus we don’t live anywhere near Ohio.
— by Mom80 May 4, 2015