1. From Behind Like a Baddie
Show off your booty with this classic bikini photo taken from behind. Look back at the camera by craning your neck 180-degrees or as far as you can without snapping your spinal cord or scrunching any neck skin for a definitely-not-candid candid shot that is oh so cheeky.
2. Tuck and Trot
Nail this pose by squeezing all your internal organs as close to each other as possible while simultaneously elongating all your limbs. Your intestine, liver, kidney, or any other essential body part that keeps you alive, should be constricted and shrunk to zero visibility. We’re going for fresh, not flesh. Now strut along a beach or pool deck with zero awareness of your surroundings. You might trip on a pool noodle or step on some piercing sea shells. It’s just par for the course. Pain is beauty!
3. A Perky POV
Rack in the likes with a pic that shows you busting out of that uncomfortably too-small bikini top. To get the perfect level of perk, tie your bikini straps so tight you cut off all blood flow to your head. You don’t need as much oxygen as you think to snap your flattering tit pic with numb hands just as you start to black out.
4. Split Leg Handstand While Sipping a Daiquiri
For this sexy shot, defy gravity and fling your adult-woman body into a handstand. Then spread your legs into a split you’re definitely not flexible enough to do. Embrace the cracking sounds and sudden sharp pains while taking a sip from the daiquiri conveniently placed right under you.
5. Punch Below Your Weight
Didn’t make it to the gym as much as you wanted to this year? No biggie. We’ve got the perfect hack to immediately tighten up wherever—from your pesky inner thighs to the impossible abdominal “V” or even your fatless collar bone divots. Just locate exactly where you think the added toned definition should be and punch the living shit out of it. If you hit hard enough, things will start caving in. It will make for a dangerously hot bikini pic.
6. Disappearing Limbs
This pose will hide half your body weight and shock everyone with hashtags like #nofilter #nophotoshop #therealme. Just pop your shoulder all the way back to the point of dislocation for a slimming arm you can no longer see, like at all. Even though your arm disappeared, your hand should still be covering those pesky, evolutionarily adaptive birthing hips in a chill, natural way. Then twist your legs into a triple knot while standing straight on your less-dominant foot. This part is very important. Your less-dominant foot is thinner than your more often-used and bulkier dominant foot. Lightly squat, so you definitely still have a thigh gap. Everyone will be like, “Where did the other half of you go?,” which is the best compliment ever.
Zoomed-in close-up shots of just your bikini top (boobs) and bottoms (abs) are all the rage on social media. But zooming in and cropping makes your pics low-quality and blurry. Bad! Try decapitation for a high-quality thirst trap that isn’t ruined by your face or smile. Good! Just make sure you shoot this one fast before too much blood drips down your snatched mid-seizure death-ridden hot bod.