COWORKER: It’s hot in here right?
YOU: Yeah, it’s pretty hot.
COWORKER: Are you hot?
COWORKER: It’s hot in here. Right?
[The conversation repeats until the sun burns out and everything on the planet freezes to death and it finally stops being hot.]
The Weather Outside
[Your COWORKER stands in front of his cubicle dripping wet. He shakes out his dripping wet umbrella. YOU enter dripping wet. YOU put your soaked coat on the coat rack and shake out your dripping wet umbrella.]
COWORKER: Is it still raining out?
[ YOU can only speak to what you experienced outside several seconds after your coworker entered the building, but several seconds before YOU yourself reached your cubicle. YOU do not know if it is in fact still raining out. YOU say nothing and are forever plagued by the unknowable nature of the immediate present.]
COWORKER: Did you see Blacklist last night?
YOU: Oh, I don’t watch that show.
[Your COWORKER asks you this every Friday morning and YOU are unsure if he is forgetful or if YOU are locked in a Blacklist-watching struggle he is determined to win. Either way, YOU will fight on, for it is the only thing to do.
[Your COWORKER leans over your cubicle wall.]
COWORKER: Did you hear?
[Your COWORKER begins inaudibly whispering. YOU rise from your chair, your ear extended.]
[YOU bring your ear to your COWORKER’s trembling lips but hear nothing.]
COWORKER: Where’d you get that sandwich?
YOU: From the deli around the corner.
COWORKER: The one on 9th?
YOU: No, 8th.
YOU: No, that’s on 9th. This is from Reggie’s.
COWORKER: Where is Reggie’s?
YOU: Around the corner on 8th.
COWORKER: Do they make good sandwiches there?
YOU: They are OK.
COWORKER: Sal’s has really good sandwiches.
[YOU stare at your sandwich. YOU lied about it being OK. YOU taste nothing when you absentmindedly feed yourself at your desk.]
COWORKER: “It’s cold in here right?”
YOU: “Yeah, it’s pretty cold.”
COWORKER: “Are you cold?”
COWORKER: “It’s cold in here. Right?”
[The conversation repeats until the sun explodes and everything on the planet experiences excruciating heat death and it finally stops being cold.]