Charlie Brown to Snoopy, who stands knee-deep in bloodied rabbit carcasses: “When I mentioned exercise, I was thinking more of your tennis game.”

Family Circus

As Dad interrogates Billy about the syringes he found in his backpack, the snickering “Not Me” ghost scampers off with vials of testosterone cypionate.

Andy Capp

Andy, in a hospital bed, talking to visitor Chalkie: “I just told Flo her mustache was comin’ along nicely and she breaks my collarbone.”


Dogbert to Dilbert and Wally, who are both lying prone on the floor: “Too many of you are having heart attacks at the same time. You know you’re required to put it on the calendar in advance.”


Garfield to Odie as they stare languidly at the TV news: “Jon has time to knock off four liquor stores, but he can’t remember to pick up the rigatoni?”

Calvin and Hobbes

Calvin, lying under a tree next to Hobbes, with a self-satisfied smirk: “Susie was making fun of my baldness and acne until I showed her my boobs are bigger than hers.”


Dagwood, sitting on the couch, talking to Elmo’s head, which he holds by the hair: “How are you going to ruin my nap now, you piece of s***?”

Dennis the Menace

Henry Mitchell, opening his son’s door: “Come on, Dennis, I need my belt back. I have to go to work and you have to—OH DEAR GOD NO.”