Need an excuse to eat coffee cake – that sweet crumbly treat that goes so well with a cup of coffee?! You will be elated to learn that today, April 7th, is National Coffee Cake Day. Here is a list of suggested activities from the National Coffee Cake Association. Whether an apple crumb confection or topped with a thick layer of cinnamony streusel, there is no better treat than coffee cake just the way you like it!
1. Eat coffee cake for breakfast. Pair it with your favorite blend of freshly ground coffee!
2. Stop at your favorite bakery and buy a coffee cake. Bring it to work with you! Your coworkers will love it!
3. But you’ll soon learn from Jason in accounts payable that Gina in HR has removed the coffee cake from the employee break room before anyone could even taste it.
4. You will ask Jason from accounts payable why this is so, fearing you violated some sort of cinnamon crumble-free office policy.
5. Listen as Jason from accounts payable recounts how Gina from HR sauntered into the employee break room and exclaimed, “Who made the Mother Teresa cake?” Then, upon realizing that she is the first to notice this, grabbed the coffee cake and secreted it back to her office.
6. Listen further as Jason explains that from various angles, your Bundt cake type of coffee cake bears an indisputable resemblance to Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
7. You will go confront Gina in HR. Gina will have locked your coffee cake in her credenza. And will refuse to speak with you. Gina will say something about you relinquishing the coffee cake when you abandoned it in the employee break room. And she is going to make a fortune.
8. Exasperated, you will go back to your office and look up your coffee cake on eBay. There will be several items responsive to your search terms of “Coffee Cake Mother Teresa.” You will need to sort the responsive items by time listed to find yours. Or Gina’s. It is the newest one.
9. Analyze the pictures Gina posted on eBay of your coffee cake.
10. You will have to hand it to Gina; your coffee cake is definitely the spitting image of Mother Teresa.
11. Note on eBay that the current top bid for your coffee cake is $475.
12. No. Make that $750.
13. Actually, the winning bid will by that point have risen to $1000.
14. You will march back down to Gina’s office and demand that she un-list the coffee cake from eBay and return it to the employee break room for all to enjoy.
15. Cheryl and Rebecca in billing will be giddy with excitement at the now-famous coffee cake. You’ll roll your eyes at them.
16. You’ll also roll your eyes at Michael and Nicole in IT who you hear commenting that the coffee cake you made for National Coffee cake Day actually looks more like Newt Gingrich.
17. And that Gina would probably get more money for it if she sold it as such.
18. You will roll your eyes even more ferociously — like the hardest you can roll them – at Josh and Bill from marketing who insist your coffee cake is the spitting of Phil Collins.
19. You may even huff at Josh and Bill.
20. But you will listen as they provide analysis of how the coffee cake looks more like “Against All Odds” era sophisticated Phil Collins — not the later “True Colors” covering groveling Phil Collins.
21. Then you will send a respectful but sternly worded email to the president of the company apprising her of what is going on. And how Gina has hijacked your coffee cake.
22. You will check the coffee cake on eBay again.
23. Note the highest bid is now $3500. And minimum bidding increments have increased to $500.
24. You’ll get an iPhone breaking news alert from Fox News. You will check it and read that about the miracle of the Mother Teresa Coffee Cake that is happening right now in your city.
25. It will take a minute but you will eventually realize that Fox News is talking about you. And your office. And your coffee cake.
26. You will check FoxNews.com and see video of Greta Van Susteren talking about how theologians say the coffee cake is a miracle; and an affirmation of the Trump agenda.
27. You’ll check your email for a reply from the company President. Finding none, you will go home.
28. Maybe the best way to celebrate National Coffee Cake Day is with no agenda and no time constraints and surrounded by good friends holding bottomless mugs of great coffee. When friends and coffee meet delicious coffee cake, real magic happens!
29. The following week, Gina will arrive to work in a new Mercedes.
30. But you’ll be thankful that you are a principled human being who can find joy in a coffee cake.