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Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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August 2, 2023I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening
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December 8, 2022How to Tell Whether Someone Is Liberal or Conservative
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June 16, 2022Home for Father’s Day Jorts Bingo
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May 19, 202135 Things You Never Knew About Peter Gabriel’s So Album
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December 7, 2020Yes, The Silence of the Lambs Is a Christmas Movie
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November 19, 2020What I Have Always Imagined Being on the Set of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” Video Shoot Was Like
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February 7, 2020Who Are You Wearing?!?!?
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September 5, 2019Predictions for Every NFL Team
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July 2, 2019Honest Fla-Vor-Ice Freeze Pops Flavors
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September 28, 2018Rejected Lyrics from Earth, Wind & Fire’s 1978 Hit Song “September”
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August 21, 2018Amusement Park Roller Coaster or Apt Description of How I Perceive Myself When I Wear My Salmon Slacks?
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April 11, 2018Paul Ryan Index
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September 22, 2023It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 15, 2023Son, You’re Old Enough to Know the Truth, There is No Such Thing as the “Invisible Hand of the Market”
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September 22, 2023Welcome to Rosalita’s Boarding House for Girls and Women Rescued by Bruce Springsteen from Dead-End Small Towns
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September 18, 2023Who Made This Hummus?
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September 29, 2023I’m Your Three-Year-Old Interior Designer and This Is Your New Home Makeover
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September 29, 2023Job Posting: Lead Bro for Vivek Ramaswamy’s Campaign
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September 28, 2023A Template for Right-Wingers Upset with Taylor Swift
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September 28, 2023Maura Quint’s Presidential Debate Recaps: The One with Reagan’s Ghost