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Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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May 28, 2025I Am Pam Bondi’s Shiny Gold Cross Necklace
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April 27, 2025Donald Trump or Violet Beauregarde?
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September 23, 2024We’re the Couple That Tina Turner Encounters at Minute 2:43 of Her “What’s Love Got to Do with It” Video, and This Is Our Story
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July 3, 2024How to Tell Whether Someone is Liberal or Conservative on the Fourth of July
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August 2, 2023I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening
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December 8, 2022How to Tell Whether Someone Is Liberal or Conservative
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June 16, 2022Home for Father’s Day Jorts Bingo
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May 19, 202135 Things You Never Knew About Peter Gabriel’s So Album
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December 7, 2020Yes, The Silence of the Lambs Is a Christmas Movie
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November 19, 2020What I Have Always Imagined Being on the Set of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” Video Shoot Was Like
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February 7, 2020Who Are You Wearing?!?!?
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September 5, 2019Predictions for Every NFL Team
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June 3, 2025New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”
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June 6, 2025I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron
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February 10, 2015What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him
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June 9, 2025It’s Not Going Great, but Imagine How Much Worse Things Would Be with a Woman President