Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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April 11, 2018List: Paul Ryan Index
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April 6, 2018List: What Your Favorite Beer Says About You
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March 26, 2018I’ll Ping You
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February 1, 2018Rick James’s Long Lost Annotations to His 1981 Hit Song “Superfreak” Reveal What He Really Wanted to Record Was an Anthem of Female Empowerment
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December 15, 2017Logical Reasoning Questions: My Dream Dinner Party
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November 17, 2017List: Senate Bill No. 69-2017 – The Peremptory and Preemptive Senator Self-Nicknaming Act
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July 12, 2017Monologue: I Am Trump’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer’s Lawyer and Would Someone Please Tell Me What the Fuck I Am Supposed to Be Doing?
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July 6, 2017Quiz: How Ugly, Gross and Stupid Do You Look When You Eat Corn on the Cob?
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May 12, 2017List: Commencement Speech Index
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April 7, 2017List: Suggested Activities for National Coffee Cake Day
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February 9, 2017Monologue: I’m an Anthropomorphic Lady Jar of Mayonnaise and I’m Ready to Play Steve Bannon on Saturday Night Live
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January 11, 2017List: I am Now the DJ at Trump’s Inaugural Ball and I Just Got a Memo That These Urine-Themed Songs are Now Verboten
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April 4, 2018Fifty-Six Questions for Young MC Upon Hearing “Bust a Move” for the First Time in Twenty-Two Years
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April 10, 2018List: Horoscopes for Librarians
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March 19, 2018I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports
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April 6, 2018We Deeply Regret Hiring the Perpetrators of the Salem Witch Trials as Opinion Columnists