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Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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July 3, 2024How to Tell Whether Someone is Liberal or Conservative on the Fourth of July
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August 2, 2023I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is Happening
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December 8, 2022How to Tell Whether Someone Is Liberal or Conservative
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June 16, 2022Home for Father’s Day Jorts Bingo
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May 19, 202135 Things You Never Knew About Peter Gabriel’s So Album
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December 7, 2020Yes, The Silence of the Lambs Is a Christmas Movie
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November 19, 2020What I Have Always Imagined Being on the Set of Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again” Video Shoot Was Like
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February 7, 2020Who Are You Wearing?!?!?
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September 5, 2019Predictions for Every NFL Team
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July 2, 2019Honest Fla-Vor-Ice Freeze Pops Flavors
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September 28, 2018Rejected Lyrics from Earth, Wind & Fire’s 1978 Hit Song “September”
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August 21, 2018Amusement Park Roller Coaster or Apt Description of How I Perceive Myself When I Wear My Salmon Slacks?
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July 15, 2024I Can’t Believe Such a Hateful, Violent Act Could Happen in the Hateful, Violent Era I’ve Created
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July 12, 2024Schedule of Speakers for the 2024 Republican National Convention
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July 16, 2024Hillbilly Elegy Edited for J. D. Vance’s Vice Presidential Campaign
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May 10, 2024What Your Favorite ’90s Band Says About the Kind of Bored Suburban Mom You Are Today
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July 26, 2024I’m a Childless Cat Lady, and If Trump and Vance Win I’m Going to Start a Sexual Relationship with My Couch
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July 26, 2024Skills You Need as President of the United States or Skills You Need as a Stepmom?
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July 26, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Wouldn’t Have Tolerated the Cynics
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July 26, 2024We Went Ahead and Made an AI Olympian