Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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November 7, 2016List: I’m the DJ for Hillary Clinton’s Election Night Victory Party and Here is My Awesome, HRC-Approved Playlist
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September 16, 2016List: Vogue Asked Kendall Jenner 73 Questions and Yet We Still Know Nothing About Her Thoughts on Gerrymandering. Here Are Seven Additional Questions We Demand She Answer. Now
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October 5, 2015A Guide to All the Jesuses
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August 21, 2015List: The Price Is Right Game or Slayer Song?
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June 8, 2015List: Winning Quilt Block Patterns at the 2015 Ballz-Out Quilter’s Society’s Annual Symposium
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May 22, 2015List: Batting Heckles Uttered by the Dad On My Son’s Little League Team Who is a Meteorology Professor and Whose Research Interests Include Cloud-Based Analytics for Spatio-Temporal Data With a Primary Focus On Climate, Hydrological and Ecological Sciences
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April 10, 2015List: Subtle Things 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates Can And Should Do Right Now to More Thoroughly and Most Convincingly Evoke the Reagan Years
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February 26, 2015List: Lacrosse Term, Obscure Sex Act That Frat Guys Always Claim to Do, Sweet Corn Variety, or Automotive Term With an Arbitrary Proper Noun In Front of It?
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December 11, 2014List: Other Things, In Addition to Love, Air Supply’s Muse Can Make Out of Basically Nothing at All
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October 23, 2014List: Vanity Plates the Unidentified Subject of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” Should Consider Getting For His Next Car
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September 15, 2014List: Other Things Sheena Easton’s Baby Takes in Addition to the Morning Train
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July 18, 2014Episodes from Season 4 of Little House On the Prairie Reimagined to Reflect the Presence of a Starbucks in Walnut Grove
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August 8, 2018The Very Model of a Modern-Age Millennial
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November 12, 2015Maybe I Should Stop Bringing Up My Cat So Much When People Tell Me Stories About Their Kids
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August 2, 2018You Have Been Loading the Dishwasher Incorrectly Your Entire Life
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June 29, 2018List: 17 Real-Life Would-You-Rathers I, a Woman, Have Had to Ask Myself
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August 17, 2018OUR Wedding is All About YOU
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August 17, 2018List: A List of Things I’ve Said to Men this Week Instead of “You’re Wrong,” or “No” to Spare Their Feelings, Even Though They Were Wrong and I Knew the Right Answer
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August 17, 2018One Small Blow Against Encroaching Totalitarianism: Ordinary Hands
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August 17, 2018Welcome to The Middle, an Enchanted Land Where Compromise and Civility Get Results