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Articles by
Gary M. Almeter
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and beagle. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, the Good Men Project, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award."
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September 16, 2016Vogue Asked Kendall Jenner 73 Questions and Yet We Still Know Nothing About Her Thoughts on Gerrymandering. Here Are Seven Additional Questions We Demand She Answer. Now
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October 5, 2015A Guide to All the Jesuses
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August 21, 2015The Price Is Right Game or Slayer Song?
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June 8, 2015Winning Quilt Block Patterns at the 2015 Ballz-Out Quilter’s Society’s Annual Symposium
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May 22, 2015Batting Heckles Uttered by the Dad On My Son’s Little League Team Who is a Meteorology Professor and Whose Research Interests Include Cloud-Based Analytics for Spatio-Temporal Data With a Primary Focus On Climate, Hydrological and Ecological Sciences
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April 10, 2015Subtle Things 2016 GOP Presidential Candidates Can And Should Do Right Now to More Thoroughly and Most Convincingly Evoke the Reagan Years
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February 26, 2015Lacrosse Term, Obscure Sex Act That Frat Guys Always Claim to Do, Sweet Corn Variety, or Automotive Term With an Arbitrary Proper Noun In Front of It?
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December 11, 2014Other Things, In Addition to Love, Air Supply’s Muse Can Make Out of Basically Nothing at All
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October 23, 2014Vanity Plates the Unidentified Subject of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” Should Consider Getting For His Next Car
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September 15, 2014Other Things Sheena Easton’s Baby Takes in Addition to the Morning Train
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July 18, 2014Episodes from Season 4 of Little House On the Prairie Reimagined to Reflect the Presence of a Starbucks in Walnut Grove
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July 7, 2014Other Reasons Bananarama Thinks That Summer is Cruel But Couldn’t Squeeze Into Their Song Regarding Same
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April 5, 2024I’m the Draft List at This Brewery and No, You Can’t Have a Light Beer
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March 27, 2024Class Is Canceled Until Further Notice While I Do My Job
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April 3, 2024Emails from My Dentist That Would Actually Make Me Schedule an Appointment
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February 6, 2024My Comments Are in the Google Doc Linked in the Dropbox I Sent in the Slack