Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
Super Super Foods.
BY WILL BAILEY
Research has shown that if you eat super broccoli or any other cruciferous super vegetable everyday, you can control insects with your mind. Super broccoli is also an excellent source of Vitamin Q, Rage, Omnipresence, Berzerker XP, and the Extra-Dimensional Singularity.
Super blueberries detoxify the body because they are rich in minerals harvested from the P-515 Star System. They lower the risk of Spontaneous Shape-Shifting and allow you to understand any language. Super blueberries are a good source of Mana and Luck. To get more super blueberries in your diet, add them to a particle accelerator and intentionally cause a meltdown.
Super Chili Peppers
The heat source in super chili peppers, Fire, is an antioxidant, and will allow you to grow a prehensile tail. Super chili peppers also protect your DNA from being harvested by an evil multi-national corporation and sold to space gorillas.
Super spinach encourages Super-Human Weight-Guessing Accuracy.
Super mushrooms contain battery acid from a humanoid robot. Eating mushrooms in the middle of a turn-based duel with a super-villain raised by star moles gives you Cosmic Awareness.
Super garlic is known to contain Empathy, which defeats Ice Element, Machine Control, and Reinforced Skeleton. May also lower cholesterol and blood pressure.
Super beans cause Incredible Balance and Screaming Orgasms, but can prove fatal when ingested by certain types of genetically modified plant monsters.
SUGGESTED READSList: Roman Emperors of Questionable Mental Health, Or Leafy Green Vegetables?
by Jodee Rubins (12/3/2001)
You Call This Kale Salad?
by Matt Hyams (6/2/2014)
List: Dear God! What Have You Done to That Swiss Chard?!
by Abbie Amadio (6/23/2015)
RECENTLYA Brutally Honest Social Media Job Interview
by Sarah Fader (10/21/2016)
Monologue: Why Won’t You Kids Go to Sleep and Let Me Read Badfinger’s Wikipedia Page in Peace?
by Ben Godar (10/21/2016)
List: 20 Ways to Talk to Me About Your Home-Brewing Hobby
by Darren Hoyt (10/21/2016)
POPULARModerately Motivated Gen-Xer for Hire
by Melissa Janisin (10/18/2016)
Thanks, Cindy, for Making Eye Contact Through the Bathroom Stall and Making It Super Awkward During the Department Productivity Meeting
by Anna Kemp (10/14/2016)
Are You the Next Rock Star Social Media Manager Who’s Willing to Literally Die for Content?
by Meg Favreau (10/13/2016)