Welcome to the Rockcrop Farms Community Supported Agriculture (CSA). Thank you once again for supporting your local farm. Here are some answers to frequently asked questions.

Q. How local is this local farm, exactly?
A. Well, you live in a place where land is scarce, the property taxes are exorbitantly high, and most of the former farms have been turned into condos. But local-ish! We are only about seventy-five miles away, so please visit any time! You can take public transportation or drive on some one-lane roads, and it’ll only be three hours each way.

Q. How much food will I get every week?
A. A typical share of produce will feed a family of four, assuming all four members are vegetarians with extremely large appetites and are not averse to strange-looking tubers. Otherwise, one share will feed twelve people.

Q. What kind of vegetables can I expect every week?
A. We planted five thousand lettuce plants, so for the first few weeks of your CSA you will be getting nothing but lettuce. You will be eating lettuce for breakfast (yes, breakfast lettuce is a thing!), lunch, and dinner. Just when you have made peace with eating more lettuce than your childhood rabbit, Mr. Peepers, the lettuce will abruptly stop coming in your CSA boxes because we are, frankly, over it. But not to worry! There are plenty of other exciting vegetables coming in your weekly share—like kohlrabi, rutabagas, and some super-fun mystery greens!

Q. What the hell am I supposed to do with all these turnips?
A. Pickle them? Honestly, we don’t know. Everyone usually just throws them out.

Q. How much does it cost?
A. A full share is $600 (not including the optional fruit share, mushroom share, coffee share, or bean share). This might sound expensive, but it’s twenty-four weeks of really high-quality produce, which translates to some excellent bowel movements.

You can also split a share with another family. This will cut your cost in half, but will require you to coordinate every week about who is picking up the CSA box and when it’s getting dropped off at someone’s house and who is getting how much of each item in the box, and then talking about things like how you could hate basil, everyone loves basil! Then repeat the next week with plums, etc.

Q. When do I pick up my share?
A. You can pick up your share on Monday afternoons between 4:45 and 5:22 p.m., which also happens to be when your son has soccer practice, so we wish you the best of luck in figuring out how to get there on time. We can’t stay late, sorry; we have a beet-growing cooperative meeting to attend.

Also, we need you to bring the produce box back every week, so please dedicate a space in your house to storing a large box six days a week.

Q. What am I supposed to do with the ten pounds of tomatoes I am bound to get in August?
A. Try canning! Here is a link to a tutorial on how to avoid botulism.

Q. What kinds of fruit can I expect?
A. The fruit we give you will be seasonal, but will almost always be underripe or overripe when you actually want to eat it, especially if you took it to work with you and it’s your only snack. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, “Fruit is a gamble,” That’s why casinos use fruits as symbols on slot machines.

Q. Do I need to volunteer?
A. Yes! Somehow we expect you to be able to volunteer on a Tuesday at 11 a.m. while still being able to pay $600-plus for fruit and vegetables.

Thank you once again for supporting your community CSA. It’s like the farmer’s market, but less convenient and more expensive. However, you will get to feel morally superior when you make kale smoothies with fresh, local organic kale, even though the kale will be riddled with aphids (by the way, aphids are actually totally edible!). Make sure to post it on Instagram and tag us!

Your local(ish) farmers