Inspired by Jamaica Kincaid

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This is how you talk to students about alcohol; this is how you talk to students about drugs; this is how you monitor students for signs of depression; this is how you talk to a student about suicide; this is how you handle bullying; this is how you handle cyberbullying; this is how you report a student who could be a threat; shouldn’t we have a guidance counselor for that?; this is how you take down a shooter; this is how you take down a shooter with a partner; this is how you disarm someone with a pistol; this is how you disarm someone with an automatic rifle; make sure you aren’t holding the gun when the cops arrive; how long will it take them to arrive?; this is how you barricade the door against an intruder; this is how you line up your students against the wall during a lockdown; but won’t that make them an easy target?; this is how you set up a Google Hangouts Meet; this is how you take attendance virtually; this is how you use Pear Deck; this is how you use Flipgrid; this is how you use Nearpod; this is how to avoid having your students stare at a screen all day; this is how you keep students engaged during distance learning; this is how you attend a Zoom faculty meeting; this is how you give an online quiz; this is how you keep students from googling the answers on an online quiz; this is how you proctor a virtual exam; don’t forget self-care; this is how you attend virtual meetings about reopening school; if we’re having the meetings virtually, should we be reopening school?; this is how you quarantine if you’ve come into contact with someone who’s tested positive; this is how you quarantine if you’ve traveled internationally; this is how you quarantine if you’ve traveled to a hotspot in the U.S.; isn’t this a hotspot?; this is how you wash your hands; try singing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands for at least 20 seconds; don’t touch your face; this is how you wear a mask to keep yourself safe; this is how you wear a mask to keep others safe; this is how you safely remove your mask; this is how you ensure you don’t spread germs when you take your mask off to eat or drink; after three days you can reuse N95 masks; you can wear scrubs if you want; you can wear face shields if you want; you can wear safety glasses if you want; this is how to stay at least six feet apart at all times; this is how you sanitize desks between classes; after three days you can reuse books; this is how to do a temperature check before coming to work each day; this is how to teach from home if you’re sick; this is how to make sure students who don’t feel comfortable returning to campus get the same experience as those who are in school; but what if I don’t feel comfortable returning to campus?; you mean to tell me that after all this you don’t feel safe at school?