Your slow jam: “Angel of Mine,” Monica
Beverage you are currently crying into: Champagne cocktail

Your slow jam: “All My Life,” K-Ci & Jojo
The beverage into which you are crying: Diet Pepsi

Your slow jam: “Water Runs Dry,” Boyz II Men
The beverage into which you are subtly weeping: Perrier

Your slow jam: “Listen to Your Heart,” Roxette
The beverage you will never order again, because you’ll always remember crying into it: Michelob Lite

Your slow jam: “How Do I Live,” LeAnn Rimes
The beverage you are drinking while tears roll down your cheeks: Chardonnay

Your slow jam: “Unbreak My Heart,” Toni Braxton
The beverage you are ruining by crying into it: Armagnac

Your slow jam: “Love Story,” Taylor Swift
What you’re simultaneously drinking and crying into: Nestlé Quik

Your slow jam: “It’s Too Late,” Carole King
The beverage you either acquired via eBay or stockpiled decades ago so that, conveniently, you could cry into it: Tab

Your slow jam: “Let’s Stay Together,” Al Green
Your beverage: Hard lemonade

Your slow jam: “Old Fashioned,” Cee Lo Green
The beverage you are crying into: An old-fashioned

Your slow jam: “Brokenhearted,” Brandy
The eponymous beverage into which you are crying: Brandy

Your slow jam: “Always Be My Baby,” Mariah Carey
Your beverage: Strawberry milkshake

Your slow jam: “You Gotta Be,” Des’ree
The despicable beverage that can only be improved by your tears: Chai latte

Your slow jam: “Pony,” Ginuwine
The beverage from which you shall never return: Purple drank

Your slow jam: “My Heart Will Go On,” Celine Dion
Your beverage: The water you collected from a row of icicles that hang and drip from the roof of your prefab chalet in northern Canada

Your slow jam: “Dreaming of You,” Selena
What you will be drinking until you fall asleep in a puddle of it + your own tears: NyQuil

Your slow jam: “If You Need Me,” Solomon Burke
The beverage you are drinking whilst crying about Sandy Cohen: Airplane-sized bottles of Smirnoff

Your slow jam: “I Will Always Love You,” Dolly Parton
What you are drinking while crying: A mint julep

Your slow jam: “I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston
What you are drinking while crying: The whiskey you were going to make to use a mint julep, but then didn’t, because you couldn’t fucking pull it together