When the Kool-Aid Man next hurtles through some unsuspecting homeowner’s wall, he’ll look snazzier, more up-to-date, more “lifelike”… The mascot for the drink mix brand is undergoing “a serious makeover with a brand-new modern look and distinctive voice.”
— “Oh Yeah: Kool-Aid Man Gets a Modern Makeover.” L.A. Times, April 15, 2013.

- - -

EXT. DARKENED ALLEYWAYNIGHT

A flickering street light illuminates two thugs chasing a kid down a dead-end alleyway. With nowhere left to run, the kid backs up against the brick wall.

KID

Please, no…

Thug 1 brandishes a glass of water.

THUG 1

You gonna drink this water on your own, or do we have to get more persuasive?

KID

But it don’t got no taste!

THUG 2

Either you drink this water the easy way, or we make you drink it the hard way—as steam!

Thug 2 sets up a portable camp stove and begins boiling the water in a pot.

KID

Help me, Kool-Aid Man!

An ominous Hans Zimmer score kicks in and the brick wall behind the thugs explodes—but it isn’t that boring old Kool-Aid Man bursting through. It’s a dark red grappling hook, which lodges itself deep in Thug 2’s chest.

A crimson-cloaked, jug-shaped figure emerges from the smoking blast area—the new, grittier Kool-Aid Man.

KOOL-AID MAN
(in Christian Bale growl)

I’m about to get Jonestown on your ass.

Kool-Aid Man presses the grappling hook’s retract button, propelling him toward the captured thug with a sickening, tinkling thud. We see a close-up of Thug 2’s mangled corpse beneath Kool’s transparent belly.

KOOL-AID MAN

Looks like I’m the pitcher, he’s the catcher.

THUG 1

Kool-Aid Man! B-b-but you’re not real— you’re just a legend, a myth…

KOOL-AID MAN

Don’t believe your eyes? Then get ready for my version of the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test.

Kool tears open a packet from his utility belt and blows pinkish dust at the thug. But it’s not Kool-Aid powder—it’s acid! The thug’s face starts to melt away in graphic, gritty detail.

THUG 1

My eyes! That powder is poison!

KOOL-AID MAN

Wait—that voice… Those words… You’re the petty thug who killed my parents when I was a just a little cup!

- - -

FLASHBACK.

EXT. A DIFFERENT ALLEYWAYNIGHT

A young Kool-Aid Man—a sippy cup—is walking with his parents, a plastic water cooler jug and a 19-ounce canister of drink mix.

The thug, much younger, walks past.

YOUNG THUG

Boy, is my throat parched. (Notices the innocent Kool-Aid family) Well, well, well—look at what we have here.

He takes a small paper cup from his pocket, flips it menacingly, and approaches Kool-Aid Man’s parents.

YOUNG THUG (CONT’D)

After I drink all this refreshing water, I’ll pour this sweetened soft drink mix into the sewers before a kid stumbles across it. Look at the sugar content! That powder is poison!

The camera lingers on young Kool-Aid Man, frozen in horror, as we hear the “glug-glug-glug” of a water cooler being emptied of life.

YOUNG KOOL-AID MAN

You sick bastard.

- - -

BACK TO THE PRESENT.

THUG 1

It was so long ago! I was young and thirsty, man! I don’t even remember what I did or didn’t drink back then.

Kool-Aid Man smashes himself against the crumbling bricks—now he’s a cruel-looking broken bottle.

KOOL-AID MAN

You seem to be having trouble with your memory. Maybe this will help you… concentrate.

Kool-Aid Man sinks his jagged rim into the criminal’s torso. Dark red blood mixes with the artificially-colored water in Kool-Aid Man’s body.

After the thug’s final gritty death gurgle dies away, Kool-Aid Man turns to the kid.

KOOL-AID MAN

You okay, kid?

KID

I think I’m going to need a lot of counseling.

KOOL-AID MAN

Oh, yeah.

THE END