HELP SAVE INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES

Now more than ever, it helps bookstores, communities, and all humanity to buy books through your independent retailer.
Click here for ways you can help.

December 6, 2006

Lists

Things My Father Has Said to Me in Crowded Restaurants

by Erica Korey

I’m leaving your mother.

I had a vasectomy.

I did a lot of cocaine in the ’80s.

I got married last week.

I’m having angioplasty tomorrow.

I may be going to prison.

I thought you were doing Weight Watchers.

As little as $1 a month ($12 a year!) goes a long way towards supporting our editorial staff and contributors while keeping us ad-free. Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.

Become a patron

Trending 🔥

April 30, 2020

The Girl From Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” Responds 18 Years Later

by Madeleine Trebenski
June 26, 2020

A Message from Your University’s Vice President for Magical Thinking

by Juliana Gray
June 24, 2020

Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing (So Far): Atrocities 1-759

by Ben Parker, Stephanie Steinbrecher, Kelsey Ronan, John McMurtrie, Sophia DuRose, Rachel Villa, and Amy Sumerton
June 22, 2020

I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You

by Ilana Gordon

Recently

July 6, 2020

Discipline-Specific Guidelines for Classroom Social Distancing

by Bethany S. Keenan
July 6, 2020

Signs You’re a Black Character Written By a White Author

by Omolola Sanusi
July 6, 2020

The Dog Whisperer of the ICU

by Christopher Cox
July 6, 2020

So, You Want to Direct a Community Theater Musical Production

by Joanna Mechaley

Throughout July, we’re donating $2.50 to Gender Justice LA for every copy we sell of Emerson Whitney’s Heaven. GJLA is led by and for Non-binary, 2S, Trans, Black, Indigenous, POC, and has been working to build a strong grassroots multi-racial coalition of transgender people and allies to advocate for our rights, win concrete improvements in our lives, and challenge oppression for the last 18 years. Support trans lives, and read this powerful memoir today.