I know everyone feels like this year is lasting an eternity, but that’s simply not true — unless you also drank water from a magical spring in Treegap and became both blessed and cursed with eternal life. Then, yeah, it’s taking forever.
For most people, though, this year is the exact length as any other. Twelve months. 365 days. Even if you feel like 2020 is dragging on, time hasn’t actually slowed down. Except for me, because time has no meaning, and life as I know it is just an endless blur.
Being confined with your family might make you think the days are longer, but don’t talk to me until you have to spend multiple centuries living with your mom, your dad, your brother, and your horse. If you thought being sequestered in 2020 was rough, try living in a cabin with your immortal family during the 1800s. Just because we can’t die doesn’t mean we don’t want to strangle each other sometimes.
Yup, I’ve been through a lot in my forever-a-17-year-old body. The Civil War. Prohibition. Two World Wars. All the waves of feminism. Even the Roaring Twenties, which, let me tell you, were nowhere near as cool as you think they were. This year is just another loop in my literally endless journey around the sun, so please stop being dramatic.
You think you’re bored right now? You’re not. Only I can say I’m bored. You don’t even understand the meaning of the word. There are only so many days I can spend looking for girls to potentially give small bottles of magical spring water to in the hopes of spending the rest of my eternal life with them. I usually do that every other Wednesday. But, all the other days, I am so, so bored.
I don’t even get to enjoy the little things that might bring you pleasure right now, like complaining about missing a whole year of my life, or singing along to the “525600 minutes” song from Rent. 2020 might have 525,600 minutes for you, but for me, it is infinite. What even is a minute?
Honestly, I’d even be up for someone trying to chase down my family and expose our secret, just for the thrill of it. Being hunted again might help the days go by a little faster.
I know what you’re thinking, “But you’re so lucky to live forever, Jesse Tuck!” If you think 2020 is long, try to imagine the concept of forever. Think of all the things you’ll technically have the time to do or learn. You will have to come up with so many excuses, and “I’ve got to go brush the horse” can only work so many times.
So, just remember that 2020 will end on December 31st and also that you should never drink from an unknown stream, spring, or creek. I don’t care how thirsty you are.