Jokes by Brian Beatty: Thumb - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

Internet Tendency

Daily humor almost every day since 1998.

Daily humor almost every day since 1998.

McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month and get access to author interviews, content calls, discounts at our store, and more. Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.

I got a paper cut opening a Band-Aid wrapper. My bleeding thumb tasted just like irony.

Jokes
Thumbs

Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.

Become a patron

Subscribe to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s Substack

Suggested Reads

April 13, 2001

Christ Goes to Happy Hour

by Duane Swierczynski
October 29, 2009

Terrible Poetry Jokes

by Peter LaVelle
March 18, 1999

Say it Ain’t So, Joe(y): The Takedown

by Matt Sullivan
August 7, 2006

Thirteen Writing Prompts Contest: A Thousand Pounds

by JEMS Weeks

Trending 🔥

June 3, 2025

New York Times’ Style Guide Substitutions for “The President Violated the Constitution”

by Carlos Greaves
June 6, 2025

I, Saruman, Have Ended My Alliance with the Dark Lord Sauron

by Carlos Greaves
June 13, 2025

Congrats, Dipshit, You’re a Dad Now

by Carlos Greaves
February 10, 2015

What a Straight Man’s Favorite Musical Says About Him

by Mara Wilson

Recently

June 16, 2025

We’re the G7 Finance Ministers and Everything’s Great

by Ashley K. Frantik
June 13, 2025

Congrats, Dipshit, You’re a Dad Now

by Carlos Greaves
June 13, 2025

Excerpts from The Believer: What Does the AuraCamera 6000 See?

by Adalena Kavanagh
June 13, 2025

Fortune 500 Cookies

by Wendi Aarons, Ali Solomon, and Linda Wolff