McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Articles by
Brian Beatty
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July 13, 2009Monologue: One-Size-Fits-All Hairnets Are a Lie Perpetuated by the Hairnet Industry
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April 3, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Good Night
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April 2, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Got Your Toes
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April 1, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Ironic Pentameter
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March 31, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Doggone It
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March 30, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Patridiotic
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March 9, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Jumbo Brat
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February 17, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: 2%
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January 28, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Wack-Ed Flow
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January 12, 2009Jokes by Brian Beatty: Loverboys
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December 23, 2008Jokes by Brian Beatty: Unhappy Holidays
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November 27, 2008Jokes by Brian Beatty: Thankful
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October 10, 2018My Common App Essay: “Every School Reading This Except Dartmouth Sucks Ass”
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October 20, 2009It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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October 8, 2018Matreon: The Patreon Platform for Emotional Labor
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October 12, 2018I Am Sick and Tired of Constantly Being Bullied for My Extreme Wealth and Political Power
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October 18, 2018Welcome to Breastfeeding Class, Surrender All Hope
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October 18, 2018List: Fresh Middle-Ground Alternatives Between NIMBY and YIMBY
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October 18, 2018Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: Atrocities 1 to 112
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October 18, 2018Fuck You, We’re Sight Words!