McSweeney’s Internet Tendency’s 12th Most-Read Article of 2016

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Valet will ich dir geben
I will give a deer to the valet

Kommt, Seelen, dieser Tag
Come, seals, this day

Wie bist du, Seele
How are you, seal?

Christus, der uns selig macht
Christ, make us a salad

Nun lob mein Seel den Herren
Don’t throw that herring to my seal

Was willst du dich, o meine Seele
What are you gonna do now, O my seal?

Christ lag in Todes Banden
Christ is late to every band rehearsal

Schmücke dich, o liebe Seele
My dear seal, you are such a schmuck