The Democratic Party has a lot of choices this primary season, from progressive policy wonk Elizabeth Warren, to hip moderate Beto O’Rourke, to advocate of human extinction Crabby the Giant Man-Eating Crab. But the party simply cannot afford to nitpick this time around or they could alienate voters who might listen to criticisms about a candidate’s fundamental beliefs. To stop Trump’s re-election, we must blindly support all of our candidates, regardless of their policy proposals, or voting record, or the number of people they have eaten.

We cannot eat our own. Metaphorically speaking. It is clear that Crabby has, in a literal sense, eaten some of our own.

Some in the party argue that having robust debates helps the party find a winning candidate and platform. But the public scrutinizing every sentence the candidates say on social media only serves to divide us. Yes, there’s a video of Crabby declining to support Medicare-For-All at a town hall and then spitting sulfuric acid at the audience. Do we really need that plastered all over Twitter?

Further, how does thinking about a candidate’s character relate to how they might treat the people they govern? These accusations by several newspapers that Amy Klobuchar is emotionally abusive, or Tulsi Gabbard once actively worked for an anti-LGBT hate group, or that Crabby has crushed hundreds of homes by laying massive two-ton eggs on them reek of sexism.

The party simply cannot afford to be held hostage by ideological purity tests. It especially isn’t fair to Crabby, who technically contains DNA from rhinos and sharks. That’s why we shouldn’t be constantly talking about PAC’s and lobbying ties. Every candidate has to fundraise, that’s the reality. Sure, Cory Booker is tied to Big Pharma. Fine, Kristin Gillibrand has connections on Wall Street. And yes, Crabby takes donations from controversial biotech laboratories, but that’s so that we can take back the White House. Also so that no one reveals how to re-open a portal to the alternate dimension from which Crabby emerged.

Our top goal as a party must be to defeat Trump, not producing a nominee who has been vetted and supported by a majority of voters. We shouldn’t be criticizing each candidate’s record because that’s exactly what Trump will try to do in the general election. That’s why we shouldn’t talk about Kamala Harris’s aggressive prosecutorial record, Joe Biden’s role in the Anita Hill hearings, or when Crabby climbed to the top of the World Trade Center to defy the hubris of man. The past is in the past.

Party Infighting serves no purpose other than helping Trump. Likewise, fighting Crabby serves no purpose; multiple targeted nuclear strikes have only made him stronger. Thus Democrats need to promote unity in the party above all else. This means putting aside petty arguments between campaigns about debate schedules, or the minutiae of the platform, or the number of staffers demanded as sacrifices. We have to get behind all our candidates! Again, metaphorically; in a literal sense, getting behind Crabby wouldn’t save you as Crabby is capable of incredibly swift multidirectional movement.