Hello! Welcome to Arbuckleandcrumb.com, the online home of Arbuckle & Crumb: Gary, Indiana’s premier erotic bakery. Our website has recently seen an uptick in traffic because we’ve been in the news for standing up for our religious beliefs. As such, we’ve rewritten our FAQ to answer some of the questions that have been coming our way.
Can you make a penis cake for my bachelorette party?
You’re in luck! That’s our job!
Can you make a penis cake for my bachelor party?
Arbuckle & Crumb is a family-owned and operated erotic bakery. We regret that we are unable to provide cakes shaped like penises for bachelor parties, because we believe that marriage is a sacred bond between a penis cake and a vagina cake.
Do you have any other rules?
Just that you have fun! And that at no time may any part of our cakes be eaten by someone of the same sex as the genitals depicted on the cake.
Let’s see if we can make this clearer. Any vagina cakes baked by Arbuckle & Crumb must be eaten by men, and any penis cakes by women. If you are unable to guarantee that our cakes will be eaten by someone with the opposite genitalia from those depicted on the cake, you can take your business to any of the erotic cake shops on Walnut Street, including Fondlin’ Fondant, Kama Sweetra, Doughing Down Under, or Harry Harris’ Penis and Boob Cakes.
Can you make cakes in both chocolate and vanilla?
Of course. We’re not out to discriminate or exclude anyone! We simply won’t make cakes for gay bachelor and bachelorette parties.
Can you make one penis cake and one vagina cake?
So, can you make two penis cakes and one vagina cake?
What part of family-owned and operated erotic bakery don’t you understand?
What about pubic hair?
We love pubic hair! At time of order, please specify if you would like the pubic hair to be made out of frosting or toasted coconut.
Can the pubic hair be blue/pink/green/purple?
Sorry, we can only make pubic hair out of frosting in the colors that God intended.
Please list any sex acts that can be depicted on cakes.
Do you make cupcakes?
Of course! Please note that for each cupcake with a penis there must be one empty cupcake in between to ensure that cupcakes topped with penises do not touch one another. In the erotic cake business we call these “buffer” cupcakes.
That sounds like a catch.
Can my cake show someone masturbating?
Of course! Please let us know if you would like the palm hair to be made out of frosting or toasted coconut.
What’s your history?
Arbuckle & Crumb is simply a family-run erotic cake shop that strongly believes that marriage should remain between a man and a woman. Though we acknowledge that times are changing, we feel we must respect the religious beliefs of our founder, Abe Arbuckle, who started our bakery in 1952 along with his live-in best friend Amos Crumb. Confirmed bachelors, they nevertheless spent three decades happily making penis cakes for women across Indiana.
Abe Arbuckle sounds like a great guy!
Now there’s something we can all agree on.