We know health care can seem complicated, but with your new GoFundMe PPO, it doesn’t have to be. Once you’ve hit your deductible and out-of-pocket max, Blue Cross will automatically launch your GoFundMe campaign, so you can get the coverage you need.

At this point, you may be saying: “What the hell? I have to drop 25K before my insurance even kicks in, and then, all Blue Cross does is set up a blank GoFundMe using my member ID and a picture of me from high school you clearly scraped off Google Image Search?”

That’s right! Welcome to the plan your HR department selected for you—you’ve made the right choice.

What’s Covered?
Most insurance plans don’t cover everything. Ambulance rides, major dental, even prescriptions from your own doctor—your insurance can just decide that you don’t actually need those. But with GoFundMe PPO, everything is covered 100% (by your family and friends).

What About Dental / Vision / Prescription Costs?
Don’t ask us.

So Blue Cross doesn’t cover anything? Couldn’t I just set up a GoFundMe Myself?
It’s illegal not to have insurance. Thanks, Obama.

Fine, but Blue Cross doesn’t take a cut of the money, right?

Why would you take a cut of the money?
Only to cover the emotional damage you inflict on our employees when they’re forced to deny your coverage.

But I’m not forcing you to deny my coverage.
Would it make you feel better to know you can keep your doctor? In-network, out-of-network, you get the same great lack of coverage from across the board. And we know what you’re thinking: “Even specialists?” Yes, even specialists.

That’s not what I was thinking
Wait, wait—we’ll even throw in a licensed storytelling coach to help you craft your GoFundMe sob story. You’ll learn to compose a compelling “why,” that is: the reason why you deserve an MRI. Are you a single mother? A “diverse” person? Do you want to learn to walk again so that you can be the first person to free solo the Dawn Wall after being hit by a bus? GoFundMe could be the most affordable health care you’ve ever had.

How do you sleep at night?
Okay, when you think about it, this is a lot like universal health care. Except decentralized, which is like blockchain—which is the future.

What if I have a pre-existing condition?
That actually might help because it will make people more likely to donate. Diabetes? Lupus? The more visible, the better.

I have Canadian dual citizenship. Maybe I’ll just go there…
Enjoy finding a hockey stick and jar of maple syrup your surgeon “accidentally” left in your colon. We wouldn’t trust those commie doctors as far as we can hit a hockey puck—which isn’t far—because we’re real Americans.

Is this really the best plan you offer?
Legally, we’re required to say yes.