“We’ll heal every neuron with transcendental therapy. Goodbye worldly knowledge—yoga class will now begin. Come with questions. Confucianism demands that we construct weird new worldviews. Vishnu now becomes clear. Concentrate now. Begin concentrating. Make sure nobody breaks concentration. And… find nirvana.”

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My girlfriend’s dogmatically-confused yoga instructor attempts to cure me of my incredulity. Also, a mnemonic for the broadcast stations Al Roker has worked for throughout his career (WHEN, WTTG, WKYC, WNBC, WQCD, The Weather Channel, WNWV, NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, and Food Network).