Do you often take to the Internet to share your strong feelings about The Bachelor, the X-Files reboot, or the career of Bill Simmons? Have you successfully destroyed scaly hellbeasts from the bowels of the earth? If so, you should join the PopStart family, where we aim to combine media coverage with an opinionated (and hilarious!) voice.
Here at PopStart, our mission is simple: we want to break interesting stories for a hip, young audience, and send the Demon Lord Karazaar back to the underworld. In case it isn’t obvious by now, we like to keep things light. As a member of our staff, you’ll spend time interviewing A-list celebs, playing Ping-Pong or napping in our hammock room during breaks, and casting blood spells to penetrate the dark magic that makes Karazaar impervious to weapons. We boast a team comprised of two Pulitzer-prize winners, three MacArthur geniuses, and a former presidential speechwriter. With your help, we’d like to add “badass demon hunter of doom” to that list.
As a member of our staff, your responsibilities will include: writing whip-smart stories that crackle with a mix of your voice and PopStart’s; interviewing celebrities and musicians about their projects; wiping down your hammock after use; and finding the Orb of Tiranius, which can open a direct portal back to hell. On slow news days, we might even have you sneak into Karazaar’s lair, which is in the break room. We’ve heard rumblings that his groin is his weak spot, but since he’s a demon made mostly of groins, it’s hard to tell exactly where that is. We’ve been periodically taking turns hitting him with a bat blessed by seven blind monks to try and determine that. We’d absolutely love it if you would take a crack at it… please?
Since we live in a digital world, and would rather have you hear it from the horse’s mouth, we’d like you to know that you wouldn’t be the first blogger/destroyer of the evil and undead that has joined our team. Over the last year, we’ve had four other PopStart staffers succumb to the pressures of the job. What can we say, we like to work hard, and hide in terror throughout the day even harder. To be honest, the main problem has been Karazaar, who has either killed, eaten, or turned an otherwise morally upright blogger evil with powers we don’t yet understand. If you could crack how that happens, it sure would make a great piece for our Science section!
While the job may seem like it’s all writing editorials on Kanye West and trying not to cry when one of our former employees/Karazaar’s evil minions gives a speech about something called “The Days of Locusts and Thunder,” it definitely has its perks! We offer a competitive dental plan, 401k, and, when Karazaar has slipped away to gather his strength in the darkness, access to all the craft beer and kale chips you can handle! Also, if you can kill Karazaar, Jennifer has agreed to name her baby after you (before or after birth, it doesn’t matter), and one of our MacArthur staffers has agreed to put in a good word for you over at Vanity Fair, which we hear has a similar issue with a demon named Greg, the Intern of Destruction.
Here at PopStart, we constantly get asked why we don’t just dissolve the company, elect Karazaar CEO, or burn the building down and hope he doesn’t survive and hunt us down one by one. Apart from the fact that we all poured an outlandish amount of money into this company, we like to ask: Would Steve Jobs have given up if a demon vomited acid on his Mac prototype? Would Edison have let electricity be if a sinister force kept putting its penises in his ear when he worked late? Would Alexander Graham Bell have ditched the telephone if a creature of the night heckled him when he jammed out on his electric guitar in his private studio (we have a private studio)? The answer to all of these is “absolutely,” but we’d like to believe it’s a resounding “no.” Please review our list of desired qualifications and see if you’re the right match for us. If you have a PhD in English, have at least eight years of experience writing for an award-winning publication, and have been recognized by a prestigious council as a demon slayer anointed by the holy, we want to hear from you!