1. Fuck You, There’s a Sale On.

2. New This Week: Cigarettes and Horseshit.

3. Summer Savings That Can’t Save You From Yourself.

4. Reminder: Drink Until You Drown.

5. You’re Gonna Love… Thriving On Solitude.

6. Can’t Miss: What You Never Had.

7. Last Chance: To Make Something of Yourself You Son of a Bitch.

8. Announcement: Fuck or Die.

9. For a Limited Time Only: Your Life.

10. Guess What? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing.

11. How to Become What You’ve Always Hated.