Send your list submissions to email@example.com.
What to Say When Pretending You Grew Up Middle-Class and Not in a Housing Project in Brooklyn.
1. “Well, at least you can get miles for that.”People seem to be more comfortable with someone if they know they’ve flown extensively.
2. Geez, I remember going to Odeon with my parents."Use this line when dealing with people in creative industries. But be careful, as you may get a follow-up question/comment involving the phrase, “fois gras”. If that happens, excuse yourself for a smoke or something.
3. “It was actually sort of suburban there.”Use this to describe where you grew up. Never mention that you still doodle your old graffiti tag.
4. “That’s the Outkast, right?”
5. “That was like something from Fraggle Rock.”Use this when something really, really surreal occurs. From what I put together, Fraggle Rock was a Muppets-esque show that aired on HBO on Thursday nights in the 80s. A follow-up line you can use: “I think it was on Thursdays nights or something like that.” People eat this shit up.
6. “It’s great there this time of year.”Works well in conjunction with no. 1. Don’t use this phrase too often with the same person. Obviously.
7. “I hear The Samples are coming to town soon.”Works great with people from the Midwest, especially if they went to the University of Colorado. The magic of this phrase: There is NO wrong time to use it.
SUGGESTED READSThe Williamsburg Address
by Marco Kaye (11/4/2010)
List: I Can Never Recall the Name of Brooklyn’s New Hip Band
by Dan Kennedy (9/16/2005)
A Bicycle Built for One
by Matthew Carlin (6/18/2014)
RECENTLYFull Disclosure Form for Fiction Writing Workshop Submission
by Anita Gill (10/27/2016)
Monologue: Rick Bayless’s Wife Weighs In On Tonight’s Dinner Plans
by Spencer Ham (10/27/2016)
List: If Bruce Springsteen Wrote About Adjuncts
by Shannon Reed (10/27/2016)
POPULARIf Women Wrote Men the Way Men Write Women
by Meg Elison (10/25/2016)
A Brutally Honest Social Media Job Interview
by Sarah Fader (10/21/2016)
When My Grandkids Ask Me What I Did to Fight American Fascism, I’ll Proudly Tell Them I Tweeted a Few Times
by Sam Spero (10/19/2016)