“Donald Trump ruined the biggest layup in the history of debates by saying — not condemning white supremacists. I don’t know if he didn’t hear it, but he’s gotta clarify that right away. That’s like: Are you against evil?” — Brian Kilmeade, Fox & Friends co-host, 9/30/2020

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Why didn’t Sauron condemn the orc hordes?

I’m totally puzzled, you guys. After being asked to comment on the orc hordes maiming and eradicating whole villages, Sauron kind of sidestepped the question and started talking about how orcs actually have great table manners? What does this mean?

And then, when later asked to clearly condemn the orcs and their violent extremism, Sauron went quiet and then blinked a bit before giving a weird coded message that only orcs can understand. Then all the orcs cheered and started repeating it? Anyone have a beat on this?

It’s strange, to say the least. On the one hand, it seems clear in multiple ways that Sauron is benefitting from their bloodlust, but on the other hand, he didn’t blatantly say, “I love orcs and fully support their massacres,” so I’m not sure what to make of it.

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Why didn’t Bacteria condemn the warm
protein-rich environment in which it thrives?

I’m totally stumped. When asked to clarify some earlier statements on the hazards of humid and sugar-packed petri dishes, Bacteria kind of pivoted to talking about the hazards of dry alkaline-heavy areas? What does this mean?

I mean, I get that Bacteria might tangentially benefit from dank and dextrose-laden regions, but they’ve never come up to me personally and explicitly told me so. So, in that sense, I feel like, at the very least, it’s a wash?

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Why didn’t Hades condemn the kidnapping
and forced marriage to his now-wife, Persephone?

I’m confused, folks. Hades is a real off-the-cuff kind of guy, granted, but I’m really unsure of why he won’t openly condemn his brother for kidnapping Persephone and essentially ordering her into marriage, thus shackling her to the duties of Queen of the Underworld.

Even though Hades profits directly off of these heinous circumstances, and the simplest explanation is that he’s just, like, “down” with it, there must be something else to it, right? Some reason, any other reason (except the very obvious one) for why he’s not speaking out?

I’d just hate to condemn his non-condemnation. I feel like that would be such a rush to judgment. I mean, then we’d have to start thinking that something’s up, and I’d hate to accidentally normalize something so terrible.

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Why won’t the White Dwarf Star condemn
the accretion of its companion star?

I get that a White Dwarf Star essentially sucks the matter from a nearby star. I get that it does this in order to accrue mass. I also get that through this process the White Dwarf Star exponentially boosts its own gravitational force, creating a powerful and unstoppable cataclysmic variable.

But I don’t get why it’s so quiet about it.

You’d think it’d say something about sucking another star dry for its own gain. I just can’t figure out what’s stopping it from being so direct about it, y’know? It’s a real head-scratcher.

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Why didn’t the Media condemn dancing around the truth?

I can’t figure this one out. Does it benefit the news Media to not call out what we all know to be true? Is it possible that in order to not face the full horror of what is right before us, they’ve decided to instead ask feeble questions like “Gosh, why couldn’t he condemn white supremacy?” and “Sheez, shouldn’t he have knocked that question out of the park?”

Is it possible that plainly stating that the President of the United States is a virulent racist might be seen as “disloyal,” and that scares them more than telling the truth?

Nah, that can’t be it.

After all, how would they benefit from all of that?