“You won’t feel anything.”
It won’t hurt per se, but it will feel like the nurse is dragging a bone-dry tampon out of your vagina over and over again.

“This might be a little warm.”
This will feel like the time you accidentally burned your hand on the stove, but only for a few seconds.

“This might be a little cold.”
This will feel like you’ve contracted instantaneous frostbite, but for more than a few seconds.

“There may be some discomfort.”
It’s going to hurt more than the worst period you’ve ever had.

“You might feel a slight pinch.”
You’ll think the nurse thrust a hot knife into your cervix, and then twisted it.

“You may experience some cramping.”
You are actually going through labor.

“Most women experience 2-3 out of a pain scale of 10.”
This procedure is a 10/10 on the pain scale. We’d say 11/10, but the scale doesn’t go that high.

“You may want to take some over-the-counter medications beforehand to help with the pain.”
If you were a man, we would absolutely give you morphine for this procedure.

“This procedure can be performed without sedation.”
Technically, a limb amputation can be performed without sedation too.

“The sensation is similar to a PAP smear.”
Death is preferable.