1. Feeling Frisky vs. Took Too Long With Your Evening Dental Hygiene Routine — seriously, how can it take you 15 minutes to brush your teeth?

2. Found the Condoms While Unpacking vs. Unpacking

3. Turned On By Sex Scene in Game of Thrones vs. Offended By Gender Dynamics of Nudity and Power in Sex Scene in Game of Thrones

4. Bored vs. Well, If That’s the Only Reason You Want to It’s Not Happening

5. Now Let’s See What This Mattress Has to Offer vs. Oh, Wow, This Isn’t Bad, This is Really Comfortable — Maybe We Should Lie Here for a Second

6. Turned On By Sex Scene in Mad Men vs. Yet Another Discussion RE: Logistics of Apparent Rampant Pants-On Sex in 1960s America

7. The Television Still Hasn’t Arrived vs. But We Could Stream Netflix On the iPad

8. You Look Really Nice vs. Obviously I’m Planning to Go Out If I’m Dressed Like This, I’m Going to Be Late to Meet Hollie and I Have to Go

9. Reward When We Get Back From Finally Doing the Big Grocery Shop Even Though It’s Saturday Night vs. Why Were There So Many Goddamned People at That Time Anyway, Oh Shit We Forgot the Fucking Milk, I Told You To Make Sure You Wrote Milk, No I Said I Was Grabbing Coconut Milk — For the Curry Recipe, Oh for Fuck’s Sake, Will You Please Go Sit Down While I Put These Groceries Away, I Just Want One Fucking Minute to Myself

10. In the Mood vs. Ate Too Many Wasabi Peas