You know the drill: one minute everything’s going great, the next he’s getting airlifted to an emergency room and you might as well not exist! After the tears dissipate, it’s time to be honest with yourself: how many of these all-too-common mistakes are you guilty of?
1. Pursuing Him Instead of Allowing Him to Pursue You
Men like the chase! There’s a reason he has the camera and you have the iridescent tentacles. Sit back and let him come to you.
2. Overanalyzing the Situation
Maybe he’s pointing that lens at another jelly in your bloom. You do have a large bell and strongly pigmented canals, but… STOP. Self-doubt will only slow you down!
3. Being Needy
You haven’t had substantial prey since winter, and you’re hoping to spawn at the full moon, but he doesn’t need to know that! Keep it light.
4. Being There For the Good Times But Not the Hard Times
Things were great at first. Now that you have three tentacles wrapped around his leg, not so much. Try to remember what you saw in him at the beginning.
5. Trying to Control the Experience
He has two milligrams of venom surging through his bloodstream right now, and you need to detach and let him deal with that on his own terms.
6. Letting Negativity Rule Your Interactions With Him
OK, so he damaged one of your tentacles with his flipper. So what? You gave him an irregular heartbeat. Relationships require give and take.
7. Not Showing Him Respect
Why is he swimming upwards with his legs and downwards with his arms? Repeat after me: I do not know better, I just have sufficient oxygen.
8. Comparing Him to Other Men
One time you feasted on a carcass so succulent, the thought of it still brings tears to your 24 eyes. But bring it up and he’s sure to spasm away.
9. Dwelling On Regrets
What matters most in the long run: that you didn’t empty your nematocysts perfectly, or that you get to watch him die anyway?
10. Not Respecting His “Me Time”
He’s been decomposing for several weeks now. You may be tempted to check in, but don’t. And definitely don’t just drop by and blame the tides.
11. Expecting Him to Complete You
He’s low in chlorophyll, but that’s not his fault. Find time for algae and self-care.
12. Not Respecting Your Own Boundaries
Now that you’re satiated, it’s time to relinquish his bones and follow the current south to spawn. He’ll understand. And if he doesn’t, he never deserved you anyway.
13. Taking Baggage to the Next Relationship
This hypoxic night diver warrants your full attention.
14. Mistaking a Tugboat’s Headlights for the Full Moon, and Releasing Your Eggs At a Time They Are Unlikely to Be Fertilized
Knowledge is power, and no one’s more powerful than a female who knows exactly how she failed! Shake him off and get back out there — next time you’ll be the one that got away.