1. “I’m from Washington D.C. / Cleveland / Connecticut / New York.”
2. “I’m from the D.C. area / the Cleveland area / the Tri-State Area / Westchester.”
3. “I grew up in a small town outside Washington, D.C. / right outside Cleveland / just over the New York City line / basically across the street from New York City.”
4. “As the crow flies I grew up about five miles away from Washington, D.C. / 8 miles away from Cleveland / 45 miles away from New York / 30 miles away from New York but I went there on the weekends all the time.”
5. “The geographic coordinates for my hometown are 38.9693° N, 77.0789° W / 41.4739° N, 81.5371° W / 41.0772° N, 73.4687° W / 41.0051° N, 73.7845° W and as you look that up on your phone I’m going to back away slowly before you learn that my hometown has three country clubs, each with its own proprietary china pattern and membership structure.”
6. “I was born into a family of street performers in Fairbanks / Austin / Billings / Santa Fe but when I was a month old, my parents became psychologists/lawyers/consultants/CEOs and were compelled to buy an estate just outside Washington, D.C. / Cleveland / New York / New York City for work. To answer your question, I’m from Fairbanks / Austin / Billings / Santa Fe.”
7. “After a simple childhood in a no-name town on the East Coast / in the Midwest — you want to know which one? Oh, but I can’t say — I pulled myself up by my rough-hewn, L.L. Bean bootstraps to become the person I am today. Please only focus on the person I am today in this happy-hour conversation.”
8. “Actually, I didn’t grow up anywhere — I came into being as a fully formed, woke adult right here in Silver Lake / Somerville / Bushwick /
Portland, Oregon.”
9. “I grew up very close to a public school; I just didn’t attend it. Please know that my parents are Democrats.”