PERSON 1: Well, well, well, look what the cat did or did not drag in: a new season. It’s about time this happened, or to be honest this season started too early, or where the hell have you been, season? We’ve been waiting.

PERSON 2: There is too much, too little, or not the exact right amount of weather associated with this season. The temperatures are either extreme in the wrong direction or extreme in the right direction, or just boring in general, and I wish they would last forever or be done until the end of time. Argh! Or Yay!

PERSON 1: I was not ready to let that last season go. It was the best season of that particular season that we had had in some time. Why must you go away, season? Or I was very, very ready for that season to be done already. That season overstayed its welcome and I am so over it. Why don’t you adjust your weather, temperature, and general duration according to my emotions? You are so frustrating, season!

PERSON 2: Hey, you, other person nearby, do you also have frustrations or exciting emotions about seasons?

PERSON 3: Here are my sweeping generic statements about the season that just passed or about the season that just started today.

PERSON 1: You are wrong.

PERSON 3: I will repeat all of my thoughts and feelings about that last season or this current season. Let’s have a superficial weather-related argument about it. If I say I enjoy the cold please counter by saying you hate it, and when I say I live for the heat please tell me you don’t know how I stand it. We will continue this back-and-forth until a third party chimes in and derails it with facts.

PERSON 1: I am not here for facts.

PERSON 2: I will now float a theory about weather and systems based on something a farmer told me once. It may also involve arthritis, shifting tectonic plates, the making of maple syrup, and whether or not climate change is real. I will tie the existence of climate change to today’s temperature in either a deadly serious way or as a pretty solid dad joke. Next, I will move on to extreme weather stories from my childhood. This will demonstrate both my storied history with seasons as well as underlining how seasons just aren’t what they used to be.

PERSON 3: Old seasons really were the best seasons. Aside from the season we were just done with. It was the best. Or the worst.

PERSON 1: Even though this new season just started today, let’s conclude by talking about the season after this one. That season is really the one to look forward to or dread. Let’s talk about last year’s version of that season. That was for sure a great or terrible one!

PERSON 2: I will close with a humorous statement that although this is the first day of this season, it in no way matches the weather and temperature that is actually happening. Haha!

PERSON 1: I will then say goodbye, and maybe I’ll see both of you around sometime later this season. Until then, have a good season!

PERSON 3: Happy season!