8:00 AM to 5:30 PM

- Daily Meditation Room For People Who Have Been Submitting to the New Yorker and Poetry for Years Without an Acceptance

9:00 AM to 10:15 AM

- Panel You Might Actually Enjoy But You Know You’ll Be Nursing a Monumental Hangover

- “Hey #Teens, Peep This:” We’re Hip, Young, and Relevant!: Using Twitter and Emojis to Reach the Masses

- Boss Baby: How to Write While Mothering a Gold Mine of Writing Material

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10:30 AM to 11:45 AM

- Dickinson and Drambuie: Pairing Your Favorite Writers with Liquor

- The Stegner: What an $85 Application Fee Didn’t Get Me

- A Year of Institutional Thinking: How to Unnecessarily Burden Your Students with Residual Academic Monotony

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12:00 PM to 1:15 PM

- Reimagining the MFA: Happiness, Healthy Living Habits, and Other Impossible Tasks

- Stranger Than Truth: Alternative Facts and Fiction’s Massive Comeback

- In Their Own Voices: White Men on Diversity

- All Aboard The Denial Dreamboat: A Panel to Reaffirm Your Horrible Life Choices and Writing “Career”

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1:30 PM to 2:45 PM

- Should You Pursue a Creative Writing PhD?: No

- Editors on Why They Don’t Pick Your Work: An Hour Dedicated to Telling You You’re Just Not “Fresh, Evocative, Daring, Words That Touch Our Souls” Enough

- Writer’s Block Panel

- Liminal Space: Liminality and Liminal Spaces (Liminally Make Your Way to This Liminal Panel!)

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3:00 PM to 4:15 PM

- Pedagogy and Other Words We Pretend to Know

- I Spent How Much?: Financial Consulting from Real People to Solve Your Submission Fee Crisis

- Fear and Loathing at AWP: Featuring All the People You Hated from Your MFA and Their Wild Successes

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4:45 PM to 5:30 PM

- Tribute Reading: Remembering Writers Who Died in the Last Year for a Single Hour, Complete with Photo Montage

- Poetry Reading: Celebrating Hundreds of Years of Boring Readings with a Reading that Lasts Five Minutes

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6:00 PM to 7:15 PM

- Caucus for People Who Hated their Mothers

- Caucus for Everyone Who’s Ever Lied in a Poem

- Caucus for Everyone Rejected by The Kenyon Review