8:00 AM to 5:30 PM
- Daily Meditation Room For People Who Have Been Submitting to the New Yorker and Poetry for Years Without an Acceptance
9:00 AM to 10:15 AM
- Panel You Might Actually Enjoy But You Know You’ll Be Nursing a Monumental Hangover
- “Hey #Teens, Peep This:” We’re Hip, Young, and Relevant!: Using Twitter and Emojis to Reach the Masses
- Boss Baby: How to Write While Mothering a Gold Mine of Writing Material
10:30 AM to 11:45 AM
- Dickinson and Drambuie: Pairing Your Favorite Writers with Liquor
- The Stegner: What an $85 Application Fee Didn’t Get Me
- A Year of Institutional Thinking: How to Unnecessarily Burden Your Students with Residual Academic Monotony
12:00 PM to 1:15 PM
- Reimagining the MFA: Happiness, Healthy Living Habits, and Other Impossible Tasks
- Stranger Than Truth: Alternative Facts and Fiction’s Massive Comeback
- In Their Own Voices: White Men on Diversity
- All Aboard The Denial Dreamboat: A Panel to Reaffirm Your Horrible Life Choices and Writing “Career”
1:30 PM to 2:45 PM
- Should You Pursue a Creative Writing PhD?: No
- Editors on Why They Don’t Pick Your Work: An Hour Dedicated to Telling You You’re Just Not “Fresh, Evocative, Daring, Words That Touch Our Souls” Enough
- Writer’s Block Panel
- Liminal Space: Liminality and Liminal Spaces (Liminally Make Your Way to This Liminal Panel!)
3:00 PM to 4:15 PM
- Pedagogy and Other Words We Pretend to Know
- I Spent How Much?: Financial Consulting from Real People to Solve Your Submission Fee Crisis
- Fear and Loathing at AWP: Featuring All the People You Hated from Your MFA and Their Wild Successes
4:45 PM to 5:30 PM
- Tribute Reading: Remembering Writers Who Died in the Last Year for a Single Hour, Complete with Photo Montage
- Poetry Reading: Celebrating Hundreds of Years of Boring Readings with a Reading that Lasts Five Minutes
6:00 PM to 7:15 PM
- Caucus for People Who Hated their Mothers
- Caucus for Everyone Who’s Ever Lied in a Poem
- Caucus for Everyone Rejected by The Kenyon Review