Mary drives in her 2007 Toyota Camry from her studio apartment to John’s studio apartment, at an average rate of 34 miles per hour. The trip takes her 13 minutes. Mary has been dating John for 8 months, and he still pronounces her last name wrong. How far away is John’s house?

If Mary stays silent about her needs (emotional, physical, etc.) and anything that is bothering her, John will think she is “super chill,” “low-maintenance,” “independent,” and that their relationship is going well. “X” is the cost of Mary’s silence. Solve for X.

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Mary is upset. She tries to tell John about the older male coworker who talked over her during the meeting at work, then stared at her and licked his lips. John replies that maybe she should just speak louder and demand respect if she wants her coworkers to take her seriously. What is the distance between Mary and John?

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REVIEW: Gravity. The pull of gravity is proportional to the mass of an object. The force of an object is equal to its mass multiplied by its gravity. Force = Mass * Gravity.

Mary and John are in orbit. John is polite to her friends, has financial stability from his full-time corporate job, and still has his original hair. Mary has two liberal arts degrees, goes to Pilates twice a week, and fits within one standard deviation of society’s attractiveness standards for women. Who has the greater gravity? Who will end up orbiting the other?

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Mary texts John at 9:15 AM to confirm their dinner plans at 8 PM that evening. John doesn’t text back until 7:34 PM to reply that he is on his way. In the intervening period, Mary received 13 unrelated notifications and checked her phone 57 more times throughout the day. Assuming that anxiety increases linearly, plot Mary’s anxiety as a function over time.

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REVIEW: Density is defined as mass divided by volume. Density = Mass/Volume

Mary and John now share a one-bedroom apartment. Mary considers the future of their relationship. Her furniture (knockoff Eames lounge chair, secondhand solid oak dresser, matching IKEA bookshelves) weighs a combined total of 162 pounds. The apartment is a 10-minute commute to her office, has large south-facing windows, and John paid for the overpriced mattress that did not come in a box. Calculate the total density. How dense would Mary have to be to leave John? How dense would she have to be to stay?

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REVIEW: Work is calculated by multiplying the force by the amount of movement of an object. Work = Force * Distance

Mary tidies up after John, listens to him complain about his coworkers, and provides the emotional support he says he never got growing up. John made dinner reservations for her birthday once, completes the exact household chores only when she asks him, and picked up her cat from the vet when she (Mary, not the cat) got food poisoning. Mary says she is happy to pick up the slack when John is “going through something.” John is constantly going through something. Who is doing more work?

EXTRA CREDIT: Name Mary’s mother (John still can’t.)

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Mary considers breaking up with John. Right now she spends 21% of her time tracking John’s overall emotional state (he has an important work meeting on Wednesday so he’ll be extra stressed on Tuesday), 7% reminding John to buy more dish soap for the apartment again because he keeps on “forgetting, so sorry babe, you’ll remind me right?” and 13% calculating if she should just buy the dish soap herself because this is what happened last time when they ran out of paper towels, and she had to use napkins stashed in her purse. How much free time would Mary have if she left John? How much of this free time would be filled by crying about dying alone and possibly getting eaten by her cat?

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Take the function of Mary. Take the function of John. Does Mary remember who she was before John?

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Mary drives in her 2007 Toyota Camry, away from John’s one-bedroom apartment, at a rate of 45 miles per hour. It is 10:25 AM on a Saturday morning, and she is driving northwest. Her 4 suitcases are packed in the trunk and her cat is secure in a carrier in the passenger seat. She left the furniture behind. How far away will Mary be before John notices she’s gone? How long before John misses Mary?